Mmm hmmm..Looks good right?
Oh it is.
It’s Fucking. MARVELOUS. This has to be one of the most delicious morsels I’ve put in my mouth all year (shut up, Graeme).
But let’s go into how I created it shall we? Yes… Let’s get right into it.
I have a love-hate relationship with lobster, you see.
I’ve told you guys about being scared shitless of creepy crawlers right? See: Item 2, # 7. Bugs, rodents, bugs that fly, rodents that fly…fuckin’ terrified.
If I come across ANY of the above…I’M OUT. Just like that. Like, “wait a min…where’s Dana?” “I don’t know…I mean she was here…I…..*puzzled look* …where the fuck could she have gone?”
Straight up OUT.
And now I know that lobster is neither of the above…but it squirms, it’s got moving parts… tentacles and shit…all moving at the same time, at different speeds and in different fucking directions…
That’s more than enough to put me in a state of panic.
But like I said, I LOVE lobster. It’s eyes-roll-back-in-your-head good. And in the summer, I seriously can’t do without. Yet when it comes to cooking lobster…
Every word out of my mouth is FUCK.
I start sweating and fanning myself, practically hyperventilating.
Every time I reach to pick it up, I let out these really loud yelps of panic…or screams, as they’re formally known.
It’s sort of like having Turrets and a heat stroke, all at the same time.
I do this high-knee, marching walk. Where my arms are bent at the elbow but my wrists are flapping around like fairy wings, which sometimes aid in the fanning of myself.
I do a shot of whiskey.
I say a prayer.
I fast-pace around my apt, mumbling to myself.
I question why I thought this was a good idea in the first place.
I plead with the lobster to stay still.
I consider calling my maintenance man for help.
I do another shot (totally hammered writing this).
I start telling myself to man the fuck up and get a grip.
I do all this, like 4 times in a row. Then I don the thickest gloves I own…
Stand on a chair (for distance you see).
Grab that spiny beast in the middle and almost fling that fucker into the pot.
Of course there’s a splash! There’s always a splash.
And it’s totally worth the mess for the 0.7 exact second I have to hold it.
Cooking this, specifically, was immensely worse because I had to do this exercise THREE times. For each lobster.
The store only had 1lb lobsters and who are we kidding…you know that’s just not enough. So I got 3 of those bad boys.
This post should have been called Lobster Risk and Reward. You know what? Fuck it. That’s what I’m calling this. Because even though it’s frightening as shit, it is sooooo good and this is such a wonderful, non-messy way to eat lobster.
I will say though, by the time that 3rd lobster was in the pot I was damp with sweat and exhausted.
Like when I have afternoon sex.
I didn’t though.
Have afternoon sex.
I did carry all the same symptoms though.
Including immense satisfaction and a bit of pride.
Lobster Risk & Reward … with Garlic Ginger Butter Sauce
What I Used
(3) 1lb Lobsters. ½ cup Butter (salted). 1 cup chopped Basil Leaves. 1 tsp minced Garlic. 1 tsp finely chopped/grated Ginger. 1 tsp Red Pepper Flakes. 2 Lemons.
What I did
Start by bringing a large, large pot of water to boil.
When it’s bubbling like a volcano, add the live lobsters. However you do it.
Let it cook in the boiling water for 5 mins, maybe more, depending on the size of the lobster
When it turns a nice, bright red…it’s done.
Turn the flame off, strain it and set it aside to cool.
When cool to touch, pull the tail and claws off.
Scoop out and rinse off any green gunky left in the tailmeat
Be sure to preserve the ‘body’ of the lobster for plating.
The claws always take longer to cook for some reason, so after I removed them, I put them back in the flameless pot of hot water for another 5 mins.
Split the shell of the tail and extract the meat.
Slice the meat into ½ in thick pieces and set aside.
When you are ready to serve: melt the butter in a small saucepan. Med-low heat.
Add 1 tsp minced garlic.
When the garlic is fragrant, shake in 1 tsp red pepper flakes and 1 tsp minced ginger.
Stir by shaking the pan.
Add in 1 cup chopped basil leaves and turn off the flame when they wilt. 30 seconds.
Reheat the lobster by steaming the slices.
Serve by placing the lobster pieces in a reserved shell and spooning the butter sauce over it.
Squeeze a lemon quarter over the servings.
Eat with fork.
Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
What you guys don’t know is that 20 mins after taking these pictures, I split the claws too and dumped them into the pot that contained the butter sauce.
As I swirled that last bit of clawmeat around, letting my fork puncture it, scooping up a basil leaf and garlic bits, I began complementing myself for staying relatively clean through the entire ordeal, in my white, white dress.
As soon as I lifted it to my mouth, BLOOP. A little yellow drop fell on my white dress.
Do you know I didn’t give two shits? Not even A shit.
That’s how good this is.
Now I’m ready for sex.