Friendly Fire: Apple Pie

Bourbon_Apple_pie_recipeI’m writing this Sunday night, smoking on the biggest J I could roll.
Which is relatively small because I don’t know how to roll a joint but who’s keeping track here.
I’m fucking EXHAUSTED alright?

I don’t even know how to begin this because when it comes to me baking, it’s like I’m battling a fucking curse.
Halfway through this, I just poured myself a shot and said whatever.

I wanted to make lactose-intolerant whipped cream.
There is no way to do this.
I wanted to cook 2 other things.
This shit took all day.
I wanted to take a shower..
Ok, let’s not talk about my hygiene.

About a month ago, Ginger challenged me to a Friendly Fire.
Except she wanted to play with Apple Pie.

Ffffffuck.

When it comes to Friendly Fire, whatever the challenge is, I’m in.
You know about Friendly Fire right?

Friendly Fire is basically a food blogger challenge I accidentally created a while back with my blogger baby mama, Marta.
It’s essentially me challenging someone…or another blogger challenging me…to create a classic food.

I only made one rule because I’m lazy like that and it’s that both challengers have to post the same dish, on the same day, at the same time, linking to the result of the others attempt.

My first challenge was Mussels & Fries, in which I think Marta won, then Grazza was like “Bitch, I’m next” so we did Pork Tacos and he took that because that cheating bastard made his own tortillas.

This challenging thing is..I rather like it, I do.

Because I would never make some of the shit I’ve been making if it weren’t for the fact that someone else thinks they can do it better than me.
Am I on my high horse?
No, but seriously,
I love a challenge because I work well with problems.

Baking on the other hand, makes me very uneasy because I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing.
There’s not one familiar variable I know in baking except to mix the dry ingredients first, before adding any wet ingredients and I couldn’t even tell you why.

So Friday night was all research.
Saturday was grocery shopping.
Sunday was D-day.

And that’s when the wheels started to fall off.

I ruined the first batch of apples by letting them burn.
Did I tell you on Saturday I picked up a snazzy new phone, formally known as the HTC One M8 but who I’ve chosen to call My Bitch?

Yeah, try importing a Blackberry into that.
Try importing a Blackberry into any modern device.
LOOOT of copy/paste.
Manual copy/paste.
Some aided by Bluetooth, most not.

Do you know how long it takes to get your Home Screen set up?
The way I want?
I lost track of time.
Burnt the batch.

I decided to switch gears and work on the dough.
I wasn’t ready for Apples Round Two just yet.

So I started on the dough, following my notes from Fridays research.
I got to the point where it just started to come together instead of looking like a shaggy rug when I dropped it on the floor.

I don’t wanna talk about it.

*deep breath Dana*

So now we’re back to the apples.
No issues whatsoever this round, everything went smoothly.
What could go wrong, you say?
Well apparently after having burned the first batch, I didn’t have enough fucking apples to left to make a complete filing.

How can you make Apple Pie when your apple filling only comes halfway up the pie crust??
What is that like, a tart?

I couldn’t  fucking believe it.
I wasn’t challenged to make fucking Apple Tart.
I was challenged to make a motherfucking Apple Pie!

I needed a shot.
Call it brunch.

As I was pouring my shot, I got the bright idea to incorporate some of my liquor into the apple mixture.
Stretch my filling a bit further, if you will.
Make me a Bourbon Apple filling.

I looked around my kitchen with a wave of inspiration.
What else could I use?
I spotted my cereal.
BAM.
I’m going to top my apple filling with ginger-granola.

Look, I don’t need to go on for you to get the picture alright?
This pie is basically a mashup of my saving grace go-tos but I’m not gonna lie,
This pie came out pretty fucking AWESOME.

Because let’s be honest.
This could have been a disaster.
Combining a bunch of random stuff into a single item doesn’t always spell success.
Luckily, I wasn’t entirely smashed and found my bearings again.

Now?
Now I don’t care what you think, my apple pie is the shit.
And if you tasted it, you’d apologize to me in person and in writing.
Alright that’s a bit extreme, but seriously, it came out pretty damn good.
I’m bringing the rest of it to work tomorrow.

Go check out what Ginger did.
Let me know how badly I lost this challenge.

 

 

Apple Pie

What I Used:

CRUST: 1 1/2 cup Flour. 1 Stick of Butter (cut into 1/2in squares and thoroughly chilled). A Pinch of Salt. 1/2 cup Ice-cold Water. 1 tbsp Apple Cider Vinegar.
FILLING: A lot of Apples. 1/2 cup Brown Sugar. 1/2 cup (good) Bourbon Liquor. 2 Cinnamon Sticks. 2 tsp Ground Cloves. The white of 1 Egg.

What I Did:

Fill a glass with 1/2 cup of water.
Pour in 1 tbsp of Apple Cider Vinegar.
Place in freezer to chill.

Grab a large bowl and add the flour and a pinch of salt to it.
Mix by hand.
The_perfect_pie_crustThen add in the squares of chilled butter.
How_to_make_the_perfect_pie_crustMix again for about 1 min or until it looks like a shaggy rug.
Careful not to overwork the dough though.
Ivegotcake.comThe_perfect_pie_crust
Pour in the water-vinegar, 1 tbsp at a time, mixing all the while, until it starts to look more presentable.
More like legit dough.
Boston_bloggers_bakersForm into a ball, wrap and chill in the ‘fridge for about 45 mins.
Black_boston_food_bloggers

In this time, make the filling:
Peel & core the apples.
Cut them into thin slices.
Black_boston_food_bloggers Black_boston_food_bloggersIn a large pot, melt 2 tbsp/2 squares of butter.
Add in a couple cinnamon sticks, 1 tbsp ground cloves and 1/2 cup bourbon.
The_top_boston_food_bloggersEasy_apple_pie_recipeCook until aromatic.
Then add in the sugar and sliced apples.
Thanksgiving_pie_recipesCook, stirring occasionally for about 30 mins or until mixture thickens.
Discard the cinnamon sticks.
I put one of them in my shotglass.
Set aside to cool.
how_to_make_Apple_pie_filling

While the apple mixture is cooling.
Pre-heat oven to 375F.
Clear a counter.
Spread a generous sprinkling of flour on it.
Then get the chilled dough.
Apple_pie_crust_recipeCut it into 3rds.
Set 1/3rd aside.
Using a rolling pin, roll the other 2/3rds out to an even layer.
ap14 ap16Roll the dough out into a large circle, bigger than the circumference of your pie pan.
Then roll the sheet of dough onto the pin.
dana_boston_bloggerboston_food_bloggers_Butter a pie pan and using the rolling pin, lay the flattened dough over the pan.Baker_bloggersFit the dough inside the pie pan.
Then using your thumbs, gently flatten the edges.
IVC_6527_1 IVC_6534_1 thanksgiving_pie_boston_recipeCut off any over hanging dough off.
IVC_6536_1Place the pie in the ‘fridge to cool for about 15 mins.

Meanwhile, roll out the remaining 3rd of the dough and cut into strips.
Don’t be ashamed to grab a ruler if you have to. I could have used one myself..
dana_fashina_photography dana_fashina_food

Remove the cooling pie pan from the fridge.
Sprinkle the bottom of the dough with flour and a bit of sugar.
Then add in the apple filling.
This is..ahem…where I had to …add-on..
ap18
Close the pie by topping with the strips of dough.
Dana_fashina_pieYes I know… I didn’t weave it right!dana_fashina_bloggerUse a fork to cinch the edges of the top & bottom dough together.
Give the surface of the dough a light casing with the egg white.
IVC_6594_2Place the pan in the oven, on a foil-lined baking sheet.
This will catch any bubble-over.
Bake for 45 mins or until crust is golden brown.

Remove from oven and let cool completely, or as long as you can bear it 😀
Serve with any kinda cream you want.
IVC_6722_1 Bourbon_Apple_pie_recipe Bourbon_Apple_pie_recipe

65 Comments

  1. I really know what you mean with the baker’s curse!

    All my family are bakers and confectioners, and every time I even **think** about opening a box of flour, it’s like they’re all stood right behind me with an O RLY? look on their face…

  2. HAHAHAHAHA what the fuck?? xD that’s what comes immediately to my mind after reading your post. hahaha I loved how you explained everything and I have never heard about those kind of challenges, I’m kind of new in this and my friends don’t have blogs so.. kind of lonely haha. Either way, I loved you recipe and photos 🙂

    1. Thank you M!
      It was brutal.
      Ginger and i were emailing back and forth yesterday, trying to nail down a time and all the while I was PRAYING this would be eligible to post.
      Painful but successful 😀

    1. Yes, I love Coconut milk and frequently use coconut cream, but I didn’t have any.
      So I tried it with soymilk and that went absolutely nowhere.
      Also – to make coconut whipped cream I would need an electronic whisk, which sadly, I do not posses 😦

  3. It looks perfect Dana!! I’m so jelous now 😀 I’ve see apple pies like this one in Netherlands and I thought that time they looked so professional, and rustic at the same time. Yours looks exactly the same. Yummy. Get your a**s on that plane to Lux. You just got an assignment Miss 😀

  4. WOW! This looks amazing – loving the bourbon, btw 😉 The granola is inspired – you’d never think it was a last resort! Oh, and I forgot about the cream – I was so proud of myself to have come up with a milk-free cake that I completely forgot you’d want to serve it with something creamy. Doh.
    I’ll be giving the granola a shot soon, it just begs to be used in a cake of some sort. Or bread, even?
    Thanks for the challenge, it’s been great fun and I have to admit defeat: you really braved the elements here, way out of your comfort zone, and you still got that hole-in-one!

    1. Ginger!!
      Thank YOU!!
      Thank you for doing agreeing to take this on with me!
      Regarding the granola: I was desperate.
      So imagine my surprise at the outcome.
      When we were emailing back and forth, i may have sounded calm, but my blood pressure was so high I thought I would pass out :p

      1. Ha ha, good to know I was not the only one bricking it!!! Loving the plastic gloves in all their OCD-glory 😉 Which reminds me: you should have seen my kitchen at the time, it would have given you a fit!

      2. hahaha!
        Yes, i am a bit of a neat freak in my kitchen. I just can’t work with cluttter. My nikon had flour all over it!
        And the gloves…yeah, you’ve got me there. I also didn’t want to be digging…or licking pie crust out from under my nails 😀

  5. D you are a fucking hoot! Just when I needed a laugh because I’ve just discovered that our pantry is fall apart and now i gotta fix it… like, now.
    Um, except I’m pretty sure you called me a cheating bastard… I prefer cheating bitch-ass red-bearded bastard 😉 🙂

    1. hmm, yes… yes I suppose you are one cheating bitch assed red-bearded bastard now aren’t you? 🙂 🙂
      Bummer about the pantry – put those handyman skills to work.
      Maybe the missus will give you a reward, like they do in all those handyman-housewife ‘movies’…:D

  6. Your posts always make me laugh out loud. I’ve had a few of “those days” believe me! And I too have dropped my fair share of stuff on the floor. And there ain’t no thirty second rule in MY kitchen. No way.
    Your pie looks great and I bet it tastes awesome too.
    I have that tea towel but I use mine for napkins!

  7. You killed it! Wowzer m’lady, I’m impressed. And look at you go with the lattice top; now you’re just bragging, lol 😉. You’re now crowned baking princess galore. Love & gratitude.

  8. Dana, I’m curious if the cream you were thinking of using on top was Bailey’s Irish? Oh well, anyhow I think the crust came out beautiful . Some of my best recipes have been due to the fact that I over seasoned or ran short on an ingredient and had to make up the difference. Oh yeah, and the banter about the housewife and handyman? LOL! Outrageous!!! You seriously rock! Bob

    1. Ha!
      Why thank you!!
      That housewife thing was the first thought that came to mind when he said fix stuff around the house…I had to go for it 😝
      oh and I didn’t use any cream but if I did, Bailey’s would certainly kill me 😁

  9. you make me laugh and cry….in the same post! And I would need to try to pie to know who really won. But I like the look of your pie and the innovation aspect. Keep up the great fun!

  10. A bit of advice with pie crusts:

    See how the pie pulled away from the side of the dish? Worked dough likes to shrink. That’s because the gluten works a little bit like muscles; any time they are pushed and stretched, they like to go back to where they were before. Non-streched. Hence the shrinking. But the gluten muscle comparison doesn’t end there. What do you do when muscles are sore after a workout? Put ice on them. The pie crust can work in a similar way. Put the crust in the refrigerator for 10-15 min after it gets worked out, i.e. rolled and put in the pie plate. The gluten then relaxes and that will minimize shrinking.

    Hope that helps and isn’t a statement of the obvious.

    1. Hey there!
      Thanks for popping over!
      I actually did put the pie crust in the ‘fridge after ‘working it out’ because of that fact.
      See the part where I say “place in ‘fridge to cool for about 15 min”?

  11. Hi!
    Thanks for liking my apple pie post! (https://backdirndl4you.wordpress.com/2014/11/28/miniature-apple-pie/) Figured I’d return the favor and visit your page! I am afraid I am not nearly as creative or brave as you are though – I would have just thrown that stuff right out the window and went right back to bed for let’s say… a week! Not too good at coping with failures here… 😦
    I am really impressed by your determination though and how that pie turned out —> a little bit of alcohol and granola ain’t hurtin nobody, so you go girl! I bet it was delicious.. ❤

    Have a baketastic baking day,
    Your Backdirndl

    https://backdirndl4you.wordpress.com/

Go on, get it out..

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s