I don’t even know how to begin this because when it comes to me baking, it’s like I’m battling a fucking curse.
Halfway through this, I just poured myself a shot and said whatever.
I wanted to make lactose-intolerant whipped cream.
There is no way to do this.
I wanted to cook 2 other things.
This shit took all day.
I wanted to take a shower..
Ok, let’s not talk about my hygiene.
About a month ago, Ginger challenged me to a Friendly Fire.
Except she wanted to play with Apple Pie.
When it comes to Friendly Fire, whatever the challenge is, I’m in.
You know about Friendly Fire right?
Friendly Fire is basically a food blogger challenge I accidentally created a while back with my blogger baby mama, Marta.
It’s essentially me challenging someone…or another blogger challenging me…to create a classic food.
I only made one rule because I’m lazy like that and it’s that both challengers have to post the same dish, on the same day, at the same time, linking to the result of the others attempt.
This challenging thing is..I rather like it, I do.
Because I would never make some of the shit I’ve been making if it weren’t for the fact that someone else thinks they can do it better than me.
Am I on my high horse?
No, but seriously,
I love a challenge because I work well with problems.
Baking on the other hand, makes me very uneasy because I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing.
There’s not one familiar variable I know in baking except to mix the dry ingredients first, before adding any wet ingredients and I couldn’t even tell you why.
So Friday night was all research.
Saturday was grocery shopping.
Sunday was D-day.
And that’s when the wheels started to fall off.
I ruined the first batch of apples by letting them burn.
Did I tell you on Saturday I picked up a snazzy new phone, formally known as the HTC One M8 but who I’ve chosen to call My Bitch?
Yeah, try importing a Blackberry into that.
Try importing a Blackberry into any modern device.
LOOOT of copy/paste.
Some aided by Bluetooth, most not.
Do you know how long it takes to get your Home Screen set up?
The way I want?
I lost track of time.
Burnt the batch.
I decided to switch gears and work on the dough.
I wasn’t ready for Apples Round Two just yet.
So I started on the dough, following my notes from Fridays research.
I got to the point where it just started to come together instead of looking like a shaggy rug when I dropped it on the floor.
I don’t wanna talk about it.
*deep breath Dana*
So now we’re back to the apples.
No issues whatsoever this round, everything went smoothly.
What could go wrong, you say?
Well apparently after having burned the first batch, I didn’t have enough fucking apples to left to make a complete filing.
How can you make Apple Pie when your apple filling only comes halfway up the pie crust??
What is that like, a tart?
I couldn’t fucking believe it.
I wasn’t challenged to make fucking Apple Tart.
I was challenged to make a motherfucking Apple Pie!
I needed a shot.
Call it brunch.
As I was pouring my shot, I got the bright idea to incorporate some of my liquor into the apple mixture.
Stretch my filling a bit further, if you will.
Make me a Bourbon Apple filling.
I looked around my kitchen with a wave of inspiration.
What else could I use?
I spotted my cereal.
I’m going to top my apple filling with ginger-granola.
Look, I don’t need to go on for you to get the picture alright?
This pie is basically a mashup of my saving grace go-tos but I’m not gonna lie,
This pie came out pretty fucking AWESOME.
Because let’s be honest.
This could have been a disaster.
Combining a bunch of random stuff into a single item doesn’t always spell success.
Luckily, I wasn’t entirely smashed and found my bearings again.
Now I don’t care what you think, my apple pie is the shit.
And if you tasted it, you’d apologize to me in person and in writing.
Alright that’s a bit extreme, but seriously, it came out pretty damn good.
I’m bringing the rest of it to work tomorrow.
Go check out what Ginger did.
Let me know how badly I lost this challenge.
What I Used:
CRUST: 1 1/2 cup Flour. 1 Stick of Butter (cut into 1/2in squares and thoroughly chilled). A Pinch of Salt. 1/2 cup Ice-cold Water. 1 tbsp Apple Cider Vinegar.
FILLING: A lot of Apples. 1/2 cup Brown Sugar. 1/2 cup (good) Bourbon Liquor. 2 Cinnamon Sticks. 2 tsp Ground Cloves. The white of 1 Egg.
What I Did:
Fill a glass with 1/2 cup of water.
Pour in 1 tbsp of Apple Cider Vinegar.
Place in freezer to chill.
Grab a large bowl and add the flour and a pinch of salt to it.
Mix by hand.
Then add in the squares of chilled butter.
Mix again for about 1 min or until it looks like a shaggy rug.
Careful not to overwork the dough though.
Pour in the water-vinegar, 1 tbsp at a time, mixing all the while, until it starts to look more presentable.
More like legit dough.
Form into a ball, wrap and chill in the ‘fridge for about 45 mins.
In this time, make the filling:
Peel & core the apples.
Cut them into thin slices.
In a large pot, melt 2 tbsp/2 squares of butter.
Add in a couple cinnamon sticks, 1 tbsp ground cloves and 1/2 cup bourbon.
Cook until aromatic.
Then add in the sugar and sliced apples.
Cook, stirring occasionally for about 30 mins or until mixture thickens.
Discard the cinnamon sticks.
I put one of them in my shotglass.
Set aside to cool.
While the apple mixture is cooling.
Pre-heat oven to 375F.
Clear a counter.
Spread a generous sprinkling of flour on it.
Then get the chilled dough.
Cut it into 3rds.
Set 1/3rd aside.
Using a rolling pin, roll the other 2/3rds out to an even layer.
Roll the dough out into a large circle, bigger than the circumference of your pie pan.
Then roll the sheet of dough onto the pin.
Butter a pie pan and using the rolling pin, lay the flattened dough over the pan.Fit the dough inside the pie pan.
Then using your thumbs, gently flatten the edges.
Cut off any over hanging dough off.
Place the pie in the ‘fridge to cool for about 15 mins.
Remove the cooling pie pan from the fridge.
Sprinkle the bottom of the dough with flour and a bit of sugar.
Then add in the apple filling.
This is..ahem…where I had to …add-on..
Close the pie by topping with the strips of dough.
Yes I know… I didn’t weave it right!Use a fork to cinch the edges of the top & bottom dough together.
Give the surface of the dough a light casing with the egg white.
Place the pan in the oven, on a foil-lined baking sheet.
This will catch any bubble-over.
Bake for 45 mins or until crust is golden brown.