They’re doing everything right.
I’ve got to know what their trick is.
When 3 days of working out is negated by three days of bad eating, it’s like I’ve never done a push up in my life.
And I hate to bring this up because the holiday season is coming.
Shoo be doo be dooooo
We’re beginning our initial descent into the holiday season.
So here’s the deal.
You know you’re going to eat like an absolute fucking pig on Thanksgiving.
For the non-North Americans, that’s the mothership of holidays for us Americans.
It’s when the everybody who’s anybody in the family crowds around a table of some sort and stuffs their face until they look like Santy Claus.
Minus the rosy cheeks.
Actually if you’re a drinker you might just have the red cheeks going on so scratch what I just said.
My point is, you’re going to eat, like never before.
And then what?
Then comes December.
And you know you’re going to eat like an absolute fucking animal in December.
You know it’s coming.
So here’s what I’m telling myself, here’s the deal.
Why don’t you get in great shape right before, and just say,
“Listen, I know I’m going to go off the rails on Thanksgiving, but Friday, I’m gonna get right back on track.”
Saturday you’re probably going to have a turkey sandwich, with like a little bit of stuffing in there and maybe some spiked eggnog (if you can handle it).
But Sunday, you gotta have a giant salad.
Because here comes the holiday parties.
You’re going into December.
And you’ve got to go into these parties with a game plan.
Because who’s kidding who, if you eat the way you eat on Thanksgiving, you’ll start feeling like a tub of shit and on some level, you won’t love yourself as much anymore.
So go in with a game plan.
Go in to that party and just, just silently compete with the other people there.
As you’re watching other people shoveling that shit down their throat, just know you’re going to win this game.
You’re not going to come up with a loss on this one.
Take a couple parties off.
Just drink water, watch other people.
And you’ll hear people going,
“Oh my God, I have to stop.”
“Oh my Gaaad, I seriously, have to stop!”
They can’t fucking stop.
And it’s a situation you don’t want to be in.
So go to the bar, like a lady and order water.
Throw some juice in there if you get weak in the knees but stick to water and just watch your friends.
Watch your friends basically roofie themselves.
Watch them say dumb shit that they’re going to have to apologize for the next day.
Watch them act like absolute morons.
And just know that you’re going to walk out of there, squeaky, fucking clean.
But then you pick ONE.
You pick one party and you get absolutely fucking obliterated.
And the one you want, is the one where your boss isn’t there.
The one where that skank you want to strangle…you know the one who laughs a little too loudly?
Yeah, she’s not there either.
All the fucking temptations are gone.
It’s just you and the booze.
Staring each other down like one of those fucking UFC posters.
UFC 2014: The Obliteration.
Whatever the fuck number there at, they’re out of fucking adjectives.
But then Sunday..
Sunday you clean up like the classy broad you are.
And eat this salad.
What I Used.
1lb Fresh Sushi-grade Tuna. 1 cup Bibb Lettuce. 1 cup green Peas. ½ cup Diced Scallions. 1 cup roughly Chopped Cilantro. Olive Oil. Salt. Pepper.
What I Did.
Heat a large, dry saute pan over a high flame.
Add the tuna.
Sear the side down for 1 min.
Reduce the flame to med.
Sear the other side for 1 min.
Remove from heat.
Set aside to rest for a few mins.