Baby Broccoli Salad

Broccoli & PancettaLately, my weekend routine has been:
Grocery shop and laundry Friday night.
Maybe go out..

Wake up late and cook for blog Saturday morning/afternoon.
Some online shopping (for me).
Blog.
Shower.
Get dressed.
Run errands.
Change clothes.
Party.
Sleep in.

Wake up.
Cook some more for blog.
Shower.
Do photoshoot for blog.
Go to a fancy bar and edit photos.
I mean, I’m already dressed for it.
Drink.
Edit.
Eat.
Edit.

Come home and putz around.
I don’t have kids, leave me alone.
Pack a lunch for Monday.
Turn on Family Guy.
Fall asleep by 9p so I get my 8 hours.

This is roughly my routine.
And I’m ok with it.
But yesterday at the ‘Fancy Bar to Edit Photos’ part, I wanted to slap the shit out of my bartender.

Like I almost forgot I haven’t been in a fight outside of family, since I was 7.
I was ready to literally slap the shit out of this bitch.

So here it is..

I get to the bar, pull my chair up and look patiently around for a food menu.
5 mins later, this girl finally rolls up in front of me and asks what I want.

What’ll it be?
Pappys Van Winkle, 1 cube of ice please.
Pap..what?
Pappys Van Winkle, 1 cube of ice please.
*confused look on her*
*caveman DNA beginning to rise out of me*
*I point*
Here, this one.

Oooh!! Ok, can I see your ID please?
Sure, here.
Ok, thanks!
*I settle into my editing which is my favorite part.
I mean seriously, what’s better than looking through one dope picture after another?*

We only have the 20 year…?
How much is that?
$41
Nah fuck that, I’ll just have the Whistle Pig, 1 cube please.
Ok!

10 MINS LATER!!

*her looking around lost*
Uh bitch…where’s my drink?
Ooooh!! Oh yea, oh yeah!!
What did you say you wanted?
Whistle Pig, 1 cube please.
Ok and can I see your ID?
*confused look on me*
We already did this.
Yeah, yeaaaah, so can I see it?
*Caveman DNA rising higher*
Ok, thanks!! Coming right up!
*I’m ashamed to tell you the thoughts I had in my head at this point.
Horrendous thoughts.
I’m talking both barrels aiming at her. Execution style.*

5Β MINS LATER..

ExcuseΒ me, you’re the manager?
Yes..
Oh great! And this is the bar right?
Yes, of cour..
Then WHERE IS MY MUTHAFUCKING DRINK???

Ahem.

So, this salad.
Alright it’s not really a salad but I mean, what else do I call it?
Doesn’t a salad constitute as more than 1 green ingredient?

All I know is,
This is what you want to have nearby on Thanksgiving.
It’s super, duper, DUPER, quick to make and is meant to be served right after grace.

 

Baby Broccoli Salad

What I Used

1 cup diced Pancetta. 1 large handful Baby Broccoli. 1 Handful thick Asparagus. Salt.

What I Did

Bring 2 med pots of salted water to a boil.
Chop the asparagus 3/4 from the end.
Do the same for the broccoli.
Add the asparagus to one pot.
The broccoli to the other.

Cook each for 3 mins.
Strain.
Creative broccoli recipes

Heat a dry,Β med skillet.
Add the diced pancetta.
Cook until the pancetta starts to turn brown.
Or however you like your bacon.

Serve by first drizzling the pancetta oil over the broccoli and asparagus.
IVC_7377_1

Then spooning the pancetta bits over it.
Broccoli & Pancettafun_Broccoli_recipes

51 Comments

  1. It’s a salad in my cookbook! Bacon really does make everything better Mademoiselle Cake, yum. You become a SEP to that bartender…Somebody Else’s Problem. Nothing shits me more than when you fall into a ‘black hole’ and waitstaff ignore you. Arrrggh…your rant makes me want to rant….arrrggh….shakes fist at the universe.

    1. This cracked me up!
      A rant inspiring someone else to rant? I’ve finally made it mom!!
      She was just being a bitch because it was NOT at ALL crowded in that bar.
      There was like 7 of us.
      So bitch please..

  2. You’re so right about adding pancetta to vegetable – this is probably the reason, why none of my side dishes will ever qualify for the ‘vegetarian’ label …
    Oh, and as for service, you might want to reconsider visiting London ………………… Just saying ……….

  3. Haha *loved* your story about the bar, I can imagine how you must have felt! I had no idea you would actually be asked for your ID in a bar, that has yet to happen to me some day. Is it a systematic thing, or did she think you looked like a 13 year old? (I know from seeing your pictures that you don’t look that young). Well, in any case the broccoli looks fabulous, I love simple recipes that are so full of flavor. And that baby broccoli looks so tender, we don’t get that here!

    1. Thanks you Darya!
      I always get carded and I’m ok with that, that’s expected, but this girl was just being a straight up bitch.
      Or maybe she was on something in which case I forgive her πŸ˜€

  4. Bam. That is a damn fine salad there D.
    I wish I was at the bar with you. We would’ve sorted that dopey shit out for sure.
    Although, we probably would’ve been full of juice by the time we got there and they would’ve barred us anyway πŸ˜‰ πŸ™‚

  5. I’m Happy to say I wasn’t there with you; I woulda lost my shit! Proud of you πŸ˜‰
    & well done on broccoli; it’s the perfect vehicle for some salty meats!

  6. Hi “I’ve Got Cake,”

    I work for Twin Pines Landscaping, and we are putting together a bunch of our favorite Thanksgiving recipes featuring veggies to share on our social media accounts! With your permission, we’d love to share your picture and link to the recipe here on your blog! Let us know what you think!

    Thanks, and Happy Almost Thanksgiving!
    Ashley DiFranza and The Twin Pines Landscaping Team

      1. Good afternoon! We at Twin Pines just wanted to thank you again for contributing to our Twin Pines Thanksgiving Recipe Book! (You can see the final album here http://on.fb.me/1Fk8MLa!) We also wanted to let you know that we’ve posted an article on our blog that explains how we’ve tied your recipe and all the others we’ve collected in with landscaping! Check out the final article here http://bit.ly/1FUyBn5 and the ones that link to it! We promise it’s worth a read!

    1. Every day I think about putting an egg on something.
      Ginger is working hard to get me to come say hello in person, but every time I’m in London, it’s always gloomy and rainy.
      So I’m thinking somewhere in June, I’ll swing by.
      I’m counting on it being warm around then although I’ll work out specific times with her early next year.
      And yes of COURSE I will come see you too.
      You’d kill me if I didn’t.

  7. I’m jealous of your routine, but I can’t hate on you for doing it right!

    And this, yes I’d call it a salad, looks good. I might actually bring this to my in laws for Thanksgiving as a side (I usually focus my energy on baking something).

    Thanks for your art & I cannot get enough of your anecdotes! ☺️

  8. Sometimes I wonder what makes something a salad. Your meal looks delicious and satisfying. Not something I think of when I think salad. Did you know I’m slowly succumbing to asparagus? I love broccoli but asparagus makes your pee TASTE weird. True story.

    Terrible terrible drinks service. What’s the drinking age there?

    My routine lately has been wearing me down but I feel that if I skip any part of my day, I’ll feel overwhelmed later. I keep envisioning a machine. It helps me get through.

    Yesterday: Wake up early, shower, make lunch for 2, prep meat/vege for the slow cooker, go to work, work overtime, come home, do laundry, work out, shower, dishes, cook mash and make sauce, eat dinner, brush a rabbit, make lunch x 1, work on blog and freelance design work, bed.

    1. Well I’ve never TASTED pee so that’s something but this is something I’m willing to believe without collecting proof.
      Drinking age is 21.
      Is that your weekend routine or your daily routine?

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