No hear me out.
I’m not breaking up with anyone but hear me out.
My buddy Greg has been dating this girl who’s just…batshit crazy.
Like first ballot, hall of fame, right down the checklist batshit. Crazy.
Anyway, it finally clicked with him.
He goes, Yeah, I gotta get rid of her. She’s driving me fucking nuts.
Nah seriously Dana, I’m just past the bullshit.
I’m too old to be playing these dumb games. If I’m not learning or growing, I’m out.
What the fuck, those are my words!
Yeah well..you know what I mean.
So then what’s the problem?
She’ll go crazy when I do it.
I feel like I gotta do it through a prison glass or something.
Good fucking luck.
So we’ll see how that goes.
But it got me thinking…
Why is it when you know it’s time to break up with someone..
Why is it so fucking hard?
Greg is scared she’ll go bananas.
And this fucking psycho probably will.
But so what?
If it needs to happen, let it happen.
That’s why you need a breakup suit.
It would look a bit like an astronaut suit except less bulky.
You won’t have to put the helmet on until you need it.
And like when you’re ready to breakup with someone, you just calmly suit up.
Get in the car with your girl like,
“Baby, let’s take a drive. Why don’t you drive tonight?”
“But I always drive, why can’t you..”
“Honey! You just drive, ok? Please?”
“Why are you wearing that suit? What IS that?”
*under your breath* – It’s all gonna make sense in about 5 miles..
And then you get on the highway and start talking to her.
And then out of nowhere, you put the helmet on.
Start strapping it under your chin, nice and tight.
And she’s like, “Uh…what are you doing? What’s that for?”
Then you open the passenger door…
And go, “Listen, I don’t wanna be with you anymore..”
And she goes, “What!!!!”
And then you just roll out of the car…
Just like that you’re out.
You just roll the fuck away.
Is that too crazy?
That’s the way I’d wanna go.
Anyway, let’s talk about this Beet Salad.
Let’s plow ahead, shall we?
All weekend it’s been rainy and overcast.
I’m talking dark skies.
So I wanted to make something light and springy.
Because that’s the fucking season it should be dammit.
I am OVER this winter weather.
I also really needed to do something with these beets.
I’m trying to work through all the food in my ‘fridge before I go on my little getaway.
So Beets it is.
Pink pee and all.
Oh, and sorry about the lack of pictures in this one.
I had a problem with light.
And not for the same reason as last time so shut up.
What I Used
7/8 Large Beets. 1 Large Manhattan (that’s for me but you might wanna have some too). Small Handful of Peashoots. ½ cup Diced Grape Tomatoes. ¼ cup diced Scallions. 1 med. Cucumber. Olive Oil. Salt. Pepper.
What I Did
Set the oven to 400F.
Rinse and pat-dry the beets, scrubbing dirt away where necessary.
Place the beets on a foil-lined baking sheet.
Generously drizzle olive oil over the beets.
Place in oven to roast for 30 mins.
Or until the beets can be punctured without a problem.
Remove from oven.
Set aside until you can handle them without burning yourself.
Don’t be a hero, alright?
Make the salad in the meantime.
Roughly peel the cucumber.
Then cut it into slightly-thick strips.
Dice the scallions.
Add the bowl of diced grape tomatoes.
Shake some salt & pepper in there.
Give a good toss.
Make the dressing by mixing:
¼ cup Balsamic Vinegar in a small bowl with 3 tbsp Olive Oil.
Season to taste with salt & pepper.