Beet Salad

Beet Salad
You know, I’ve been thinking..
I think it’s time they invented a breakup suit.
Just something that protects you during the course of a breakup.

No hear me out.
I’m not breaking up with anyone but hear me out.

My buddy Greg has been dating this girl who’s just…batshit crazy.
Like first ballot, hall of fame, right down the checklist batshit. Crazy.

Anyway, it finally clicked with him.
Fucking FINALLY.

He goes, Yeah, I gotta get rid of her. She’s driving me fucking nuts.
Yeah well…
Nah seriously Dana, I’m just past the bullshit.
I’m too old to be playing these dumb games. If I’m not learning or growing, I’m out.
What the fuck, those are my words!
Yeah know what I mean.
So then what’s the problem?

She’ll go crazy when I do it.
I feel like I gotta do it through a prison glass or something.
Good fucking luck.

So we’ll see how that goes.
But it got me thinking…
Why is it when you know it’s time to break up with someone..
Why is it so fucking hard?

Greg is scared she’ll go bananas.
And this fucking psycho probably will.
But so what?
If it needs to happen, let it happen.

That’s why you need a breakup suit.

That’s right.
It would look a bit like an astronaut suit except less bulky.
You won’t have to put the helmet on until you need it.
And like when you’re ready to breakup with someone, you just calmly suit up.

Get in the car with your girl like,
“Baby, let’s take a drive. Why don’t you drive tonight?”
“But I always drive, why can’t you..”
“Honey! You just drive, ok? Please?”
“Ok fine.”
“Why are you wearing that suit? What IS that?”
*under your breath* – It’s all gonna make sense in about 5 miles..

And then you get on the highway and start talking to her.
And then out of nowhere, you put the helmet on.
Start strapping it under your chin, nice and tight.
And she’s like, “Uh…what are you doing? What’s that for?”
Then you open the passenger door…
And go, “Listen, I don’t wanna be with you anymore..”
And she goes, “What!!!!”
And then you just roll out of the car…

That’s it.

Just like that you’re out.
You just roll the fuck away.

Is that too crazy?
That’s the way I’d wanna go.

Anyway, let’s talk about this Beet Salad.
Let’s plow ahead, shall we?

All weekend it’s been rainy and overcast.
I’m talking dark skies.
So I wanted to make something light and springy.
Because that’s the fucking season it should be dammit.
I am OVER this winter weather.

I also really needed to do something with these beets.
I’m trying to work through all the food in my ‘fridge before I go on my little getaway.
So Beets it is.
Pink pee and all.

Oh, and sorry about the lack of pictures in this one.
I had a problem with light.
And not for the same reason as last time so shut up.



Beet Salad

What I Used

7/8 Large Beets. 1 Large Manhattan (that’s for me but you might wanna have some too). Small Handful of Peashoots. ½ cup Diced Grape Tomatoes. ¼ cup diced Scallions. 1 med. Cucumber. Olive Oil. Salt. Pepper.

 What I Did

Set the oven to 400F.
Rinse and pat-dry the beets, scrubbing dirt away where necessary.
Beet Salad
Place the beets on a foil-lined baking sheet.
Generously drizzle olive oil over the beets.
Place in oven to roast for 30 mins.
Or until the beets can be punctured without a problem.

Remove from oven.
Set aside until you can handle them without burning yourself.
Don’t be a hero, alright?
Make the salad in the meantime.


Roughly peel the cucumber.
Then cut it into slightly-thick strips.
Set aside.

Dice the scallions.
Add the bowl of diced grape tomatoes.
Shake some salt & pepper in there.
Give a good toss.
Set aside.


Make the dressing by mixing:
 ¼ cup Balsamic Vinegar in a small bowl with 3 tbsp Olive Oil.
Season to taste with salt & pepper.

Peel and slice the beets into slightly-thick pieces.
Serve anyway you want.
It’ll look like the shit from any angle.
Beet Salad




46 thoughts on “Beet Salad

  1. Would like said suit for all difficult life discussions. Quitting your job? Take your boss for a ride & then roll the eff away. It’s genius! Merry Christmas, Dana!

  2. Im impressed with how you cut your own beets and don’t use canned ones! Im also impressed with your advice but I have no courage when it cones to breaking up with people so i would have just sent a text message. Thank god I’m married!

  3. I’m not a huge fan of beets but this salad looks lovely. Your story on the breakup suit and Greg’s soon to be ex is hilarious. I hope Greg’s girlfriend doesnt read your blog. 😁

  4. Break-ups are always awful! Rolling away in a specially designed break-up suit might just make it easier on everyone, just make sure you don’t dump someone at the bottom of a hill.
    That salad looks lush, I have been filling up on Christmas salty, fatty carby stuff, I need a change to something light.

  5. Ihhihihhi I wish I read this like 20 years ago or so- I would have gone for this suit or an outfit rather 😀 you made me laugh to my tears Dana!! The poor guy but even if she goes bananas then what??! You just do what you gotta do, that’s life I guess. Are you ready for the 24th Miss? xx

Go on, get it out..

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s