Iceberg Wedge Salad and Pancetta Bits

Iceberg Wedge Salad and Pancetta Bits
I’ve got this g*ddamn tick on the right side of my eye that just won’t fucking go away.
It’s been subtly ticking since yesterday and it just won’t fucking quit.

Fucking hate it when this happens.

So anyway, I got the idea for this salad when I was getting my nails done.
I always do a gel mani because that shit is the bomb but that basically means I can’t do shit with my hands for the hour that I’m getting my nails done.
Which means I’m subjected to those bullshit magazines that you always see lying around the salon.

In between pages of Cosmo’s ‘101 ways to please your man’ issue, I had this immediate urge to eat a salad.
Weird, I know but hey – sometimes you want a fucking salad.

Look,  regardless of how strange it is to want a salad in the middle of a Sat afternoon, it’s not like I could even eat it.
I could barely flip the damn pages, my fingers were wrapped so g*ddamn tight.
But oh my God was I craving one.

By the way, why is a woman writing about 100 + ways to please a man?

What does she know?
That’s like a guy writing about being pregnant and what to expect in the 3rd trimester.
The fuck does he know?

So I sat there, reading about a mans G-spot.
Brooding over this atomic salad I was going to make.
And boy, did I ever.

It reminds me of the salads my mom used to make when I was a kid.
I know I’ve told this story before.

Where my mom would be making us a snack after we got home from school.
And she’d go, “I’m making a salad, do you guys want some?”
And we’d give her that, what are you kidding me look.
So she’d put together a simple sandwich for us.
PB & J, a ham sandwich, whatever…

But then she’d whip up one of these bad boys and our jaw would hit the floor.
Right before we sidled up next to her with a, ‘but what about meeee?’ expression on our face.

Speaking of which, where are you mom??

I know you read my blog, what’s going on?
Why haven’t I heard from you?
I haven’t heard from you in like 2 weeks and I’m suspicious about your whereabouts…
I will be calling you…
Did I tell you about the time my mom tracked me down in Italy?


I know, I’m all over the map in this post, can you blame me though?
My eye is ticking like a fucking clock over here.
You wouldn’t be able to concentrate either.

So Italy, real quick…my bf (at the time) and I had one of those, ‘fuck it – let’s go to Italy for a couple weeks’ ideas when I was a sophomore in college.
And so off we went.
I only told my mom the city that we’d be in and roughly when we’d be leaving.

2 days into our trip, who’s calling my room…?

How she even know what hotel we were in is still a fucking mystery to me.
How did you mom?
I want answers woman!

Alright, enough about my mom.
Back to this salad.
After the debauchery of the weekend, a salad like this is best way you can tell your body you still love it.

All you need is a bunch of different veggies.
The more the variety, the more fulfilling this will be.
And yes – you can add a meat item like  grilled chicken but keep the emphasis on the veggies.
It’s a fucking salad, not a churrascaria


Found mom.
She was in San Francisco the week after last and is going to Trinidad for her birthday the week after next.
I know, I know…

Iceberg Wedge Salad

What I Used.

Half an Iceberg Wedge. 3 boiled Eggs. 1 cup Green Peas. 1 Handful Haricot Verts. ½ cup Diced Red Onion. ½ Diced Cucumber. 1 cup Finely Diced Basil. 1 cup finely Diced Grape Tomatoes. 1 cup Diced Red Spinach. ½ cup Finely Sliced Radishes. 1 cup Diced Pancetta. Half an Apple. Salt. Pepper. Creamy Salad Dressing (your choice – don’t overdo it).

What I Did.

Bring 3 pots of salted water to boil.
Add the peas in one, the haricot verts in the 2nd and the eggs in the 3rd.
After 5 mins, drain the peas and the haricot verts.
Let the eggs continue cooking until they’re properly hard boiled.

Cut up all the other veggies into bite-sized pieces.
Add to a large bowl.

Add the diced pancetta bits to a large pan and saute until brown/crisp.
Place the bits on a paper towel to drain the excess oil.
You know the drill.

When cool, cut the boiled eggs into small pieces.
Add them to the bowl of diced veggies.
Sprinkle in salt & pepper.

Spoon in the creamy dressing of your choice.
I used my Spicy Mayo which is basically 2 parts mayo, 1 part Sriracha.
Give it all a good toss.

Serve with the iceberg wedge, lightly drizzling the dressing over the salad and topping with the pancetta bits.




59 thoughts on “Iceberg Wedge Salad and Pancetta Bits

  1. About your misbehaving eye – I would never have believed a time would come when I threatened my own body parts when they started playing up. An ankle would start throbbing half-way through a bike ride, and I’d be muttering at it through gritted teeth..”You dare let me down now. You’d better get me home, or else…”

    Weird shit happens when you become a parent. Some piece of DNA gets activated. You get superpowers. Telepathy. Pre-cog skills. Mom won’t be able to tell you how she does it, because It Just Happens. My girl knows this, and thinks at least twice before doing something schtoopid.

    Nice salad, BTW. Eggs, pancetta, and colourful, leafy stuff. Spot on…. 🙂

    1. Hahaha!!
      I think you’re right about the telepathy… There’s no other excuse for it.
      That’s hilarious about your ankle! I know the feeling… “You’d BETTER get me home dammit, you piece of shit ankle!!”
      Love it!

  2. This post is hilarious. My mom doesn’t read me. She criticizes me. But she would track me down then kill me if i went anywhere wirhout telling her. But she rarely calls me and then geeks guilty about it. Lol re cosmo. I’m giving my nails a break this week. The salad looks great. Are you wearing gloves? Wanted to see the mani.

  3. 1) Eye twitch is the worst. Take a gravol and have a mid day nap at work. Trust me.
    2) And another thing about 101 things men want.. Why is this woman sharing these details? Don’t give away your secrets girrrrl. You gotta hustle that shit..
    3) Salad game, on point.

    1. 1. Shit settled down on its own around noon today, huzzaaaah!
      2. Right? And it’s never 100. It’s actually 3, suck his shit, make him a sandwich and don’t talk so much. Got that from Dave Chapelle 😁
      3. That’s what’s up, thank you 😊

  4. Need this salad now! Looks delish. Amazing photography as per usual.
    Love your story about your mom too. You guys sounds close.
    Hope your eye feels better. Mine gets that way too when I’m under high stress.

    1. Hahaha, thank you beautiful!
      And yes I did, she called me all offended and shit lol
      She’s been traipsing around, was in San Fransisco last week and headed to Trinidad the week after next.
      Wtf, I know.

  5. That … looks…. so.. good.. and crunchy fresh.. why do your posts ALWAYS look like summer? ARE YOU A WITCH!? I just dumped a half container of pepper into a soup we have been tending to, so tenderly, all day and after skimming it and grinding my teeth I decided to get out of the room.

    Anyway, gorgeous salad.

    PS Hi Dana’s Mom!

    PPS.. 101? That is 100 more than necessary

    PPPS if you go for the g-spot, definitely warn him first…….. ha.. tossed salads.. haha.. back to my soup.

    1. Ooooh, that’s a rough one.
      Hope you managed to save the soup, I have been known to immediately lose my shit in similar circumstances..
      Not pretty.

      PS. Message delivered.
      PPS. Ok!? Who the fuck has the time?
      PPPS. Hahaha!! I knew someone would catch on. That’s why I refrained from titling this, Tossed Salad.

  6. I love iceberg I think it might be my favourite green ever after cucumber haha! This looks and sounds delicious and your pictures are amazing, I love the first one especially it looks like the iceberg is spitting out more greens (in the best possible way!)

  7. Mums have special radars. That’s all the information I can give the uninitiated. 😉 I am glad you are posting a lovely salad recipe that completely suits our summer time Ms Cake! This has a great old school vibe going on and I will be making it later this week. (The ‘wedge’ makes me laugh as our boys constantly give each other ‘wedgies’ and that is so not the same thing as a ‘wedge of salad’.)

  8. This salad looks so AH-MAZING!!! Send me so please?!? I know I have never met your mother, or you for that matter, but I can tell I would really like her. I hope when my son goes abroad during college I can have that secret power too and know exactly where he is. I need her secrets.

Go on, get it out..

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