Fucking hate it when this happens.
So anyway, I got the idea for this salad when I was getting my nails done.
I always do a gel mani because that shit is the bomb but that basically means I can’t do shit with my hands for the hour that I’m getting my nails done.
Which means I’m subjected to those bullshit magazines that you always see lying around the salon.
In between pages of Cosmo’s ‘101 ways to please your man’ issue, I had this immediate urge to eat a salad.
Weird, I know but hey – sometimes you want a fucking salad.
Look, regardless of how strange it is to want a salad in the middle of a Sat afternoon, it’s not like I could even eat it.
I could barely flip the damn pages, my fingers were wrapped so g*ddamn tight.
But oh my God was I craving one.
By the way, why is a woman writing about 100 + ways to please a man?
What does she know?
That’s like a guy writing about being pregnant and what to expect in the 3rd trimester.
The fuck does he know?
So I sat there, reading about a mans G-spot.
Brooding over this atomic salad I was going to make.
And boy, did I ever.
It reminds me of the salads my mom used to make when I was a kid.
I know I’ve told this story before.
Where my mom would be making us a snack after we got home from school.
And she’d go, “I’m making a salad, do you guys want some?”
And we’d give her that, what are you kidding me look.
So she’d put together a simple sandwich for us.
PB & J, a ham sandwich, whatever…
But then she’d whip up one of these bad boys and our jaw would hit the floor.
Right before we sidled up next to her with a, ‘but what about meeee?’ expression on our face.
Speaking of which, where are you mom??
I know you read my blog, what’s going on?
Why haven’t I heard from you?
I haven’t heard from you in like 2 weeks and I’m suspicious about your whereabouts…
I will be calling you…
Did I tell you about the time my mom tracked me down in Italy?
I know, I’m all over the map in this post, can you blame me though?
My eye is ticking like a fucking clock over here.
You wouldn’t be able to concentrate either.
So Italy, real quick…my bf (at the time) and I had one of those, ‘fuck it – let’s go to Italy for a couple weeks’ ideas when I was a sophomore in college.
And so off we went.
I only told my mom the city that we’d be in and roughly when we’d be leaving.
2 days into our trip, who’s calling my room…?
How she even know what hotel we were in is still a fucking mystery to me.
How did you mom?
I want answers woman!
Alright, enough about my mom.
Back to this salad.
After the debauchery of the weekend, a salad like this is best way you can tell your body you still love it.
All you need is a bunch of different veggies.
The more the variety, the more fulfilling this will be.
And yes – you can add a meat item like grilled chicken but keep the emphasis on the veggies.
It’s a fucking salad, not a churrascaria
She was in San Francisco the week after last and is going to Trinidad for her birthday the week after next.
I know, I know…
Iceberg Wedge Salad
What I Used.
Half an Iceberg Wedge. 3 boiled Eggs. 1 cup Green Peas. 1 Handful Haricot Verts. ½ cup Diced Red Onion. ½ Diced Cucumber. 1 cup Finely Diced Basil. 1 cup finely Diced Grape Tomatoes. 1 cup Diced Red Spinach. ½ cup Finely Sliced Radishes. 1 cup Diced Pancetta. Half an Apple. Salt. Pepper. Creamy Salad Dressing (your choice – don’t overdo it).
What I Did.
Bring 3 pots of salted water to boil.
Add the peas in one, the haricot verts in the 2nd and the eggs in the 3rd.
After 5 mins, drain the peas and the haricot verts.
Let the eggs continue cooking until they’re properly hard boiled.
When cool, cut the boiled eggs into small pieces.
Add them to the bowl of diced veggies.
Sprinkle in salt & pepper.