Smoked Paprika Chicken with Winter Vegetables & Parsnip Puree

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Welp…The storm came folks.
Everybodys got their g*ddamn bread and milk and now what?

People do you realize how long you can live without food?
Food is no big deal, you need heat.
That’s what you need.
Heat and water.

Which by the way – what the FUCK is with the weather channel?

I really think it’s like they get to work, turn off all the lights in the studio, put a flashlight under their g*ddamn chins and just proceed to scare the living shit out of people.
These fucking weather channel nerds. And yes I get the irony.

Does anybody that reads this work for the Weather Channel?

Can you give me some sort of anonymous, behind the scenes as to whyyy you do this?

You can’t shout fire in a crowded movie theatre but apparently you can have your own channel where you can tell everybody that if you go out, you’re gonna be fucking stranded and if you stay in, you’ll possibly lose power for at least 3 fucking days straight.
Have your whole night screwed up you’re so scared you’re gonna loose power and freeze to death.

 

Whatever.
I’m over it.

The blizzard came.
And it was indeed epic.
But all it really amounted to was just a lot of snow.

We didn’t lose power.
The taps are still running.
Heat’s still on…
The big, bad, historic, epic, ‘in record numbers’, hug your kids even if they are fucking awful, storm was really just a lot of snow.
A LOT of fluffy, powdery, white, damn-but-I-kinda-wanna-go-outside-and-play-right-now, snow.

Instead I cancelled my conference calls, cut the music on and cooked.
Sliding around in my thick, red, polka-dot socks.
And yes – those yellow cubes are Golden Beets.
Thank you Whole Foods 😀

 

When it was all said and done, my neighborhood was hit with 3 and a half feet of snow.
And when it finally stopped, I suited up, moisturized the shit out of my face, rolled Burts Beeswax and gloss on the lips and spent about an hour shoveling my car out.
Visuals at the bottom of this page.

1 hour.

That’s all it fucking took because I’m a pro at Winter people.
Shoveled that shit off like a g*ddamn BOSS.

I helped my neighbors shovel their car out too.
Then I stood around amused, watching people sled, bike, ski and snowboard down the streets.
Some in tandem.
My moment came when I saw this kid go flying off his board as he sledded down my street.
While his parents were cleaning him up and telling him to stop crying, I grabbed his board and only sort of half-asked his parents if I could take a go at it.
Fucking AWESOME.

 

And now here I am, writing this up, sitting nice and comfy on my couch with 300: Rise of an Empire playing in the background (fucking love this movie) and a cocktail nearby.
The only thing interrupting my peace is the apt above me.
Who the FUCK has got the heavy feet up there?

It’s got to be kids.

When was the last time you saw a graceful child?
They’re so new to running, you know?
I mean they’ve only been doing it for like 4 years.

Stomping around with their brand new spinal cords.
Nothing hurts. They’re living the life.
And they just come straight down on their foot with absolutely NO fucking grace.

All these soccer moms with their g*ddamn blizzard-of-a-lifetime milk.
For the next fucking 3 weeks it’s, “Who wants cereal?”
But mooom we’ve had cereal..
“I SAID WHO WANTS CEREAL??!!”

And now they’re stomping around the fucking apartment, mad because they’ve been eating cereal for breakfast lunch and dinner and ruining MY fucking moment.

 

 

 

Smoked Paprika Chicken with Winter Vegetables & Parsnip Puree

What I Used

2 Chicken Breast Fillets. 1 cup Baby Brussel Sprouts (cut into quarters). 4 Beets (2 Golden ones if you can find them). 3-4 Large Parsnips (peeled & roughly chopped). Salt. Pepper. Smoked Paprika. Olive Oil.

 What I Did

Beets first, they take the longest.
Pre-heat the oven to 450F.
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Thoroughly wash the beets and pat-dry them.
Slice the tops off and place the beets on a tinfoil-lined baking try.
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Generously drizzle olive oil over the beets and a few shakes of salt & pepper.
Place in the oven to roast for roughly 50 mins.
When the beets  can be easily punctured with a fork, remove from oven and set aside to cool.

Meanwhile bring 2 small pots of salted water to boil.
Add the chopped parsnips to one.
Add the quartered brussel sprouts to the other.
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Let the sprouts cook for about 3 mins.
The using a slotted spoon, remove them from the water and blanch in a bowl of ice cold water.
Drain and set aside.

Let the parsnips cook until tender.
Then strain them, reserving about 1 cup of the cooking liquid.
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Puree the parsnip in a blender, adding some of the cooking liquid as necessary.
Set aside somewhere warm.

The beets should be cool enough to handle by now.
Peel the beets.
I recommend using gloves…pink fingers are not cute.
Cut the beets into 1” cubes, being careful to keep the red beets away from the golden beets.
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Set aside.

Season the chicken, both sides, with salt, pepper and a decent coating of smoked paprika.
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Let the chicken rest until you’re almost ready to serve.
When you’re say…10 mins away from serving, grill/broil the chicken, flipping once until it is cooked through.
Set aside to rest, untouched for 3-5 mins.

Reheat the brussel sprouts by sautéing them until they lightly brown.
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And that’s it baby.

Serve by placing the sliced chicken on the pureed parsnips and spooning the brussel sprouts & beets around them.
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100% healthy and so, so fucking good..

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70 Comments

  1. This was one of your funniest rants ever. I have visions of kidelts wobbly spines as they purposefully stomped around whilst eating bowls of panic purchased cereal because their Mummas said so, simultaenously pissing both their Mummas and you off. the icing on this cake, is that this chicken looks freaking amazing, I adore golden beetroot. I will marry it one day. Just sayin.

  2. When we lived in Brussels, we once had all of an inch of snow fall during the night. Cue much (headless) Chicken Little-ing about the sky falling. It was the end times. Duck and cover. One. Inch. Those who dared go out weeping and wailing on the streets….

    Last summer someone gave me some “real” smoked Paprika. From Barcelona. Talk about a “hallelujah” moment. I’d sell a kidney if I had to to get more….

    1. Hahaha!! That’s hilarious. Sounds like the south. Freaking out for nothing. Get on my damn nerves.
      And I feel you about smoked paprika. I picked this up from Dubai last year 🙌🙌

  3. This post was honestly hilarious. Yeah, there was a skit about the differences between the media in the UK and the media in the US. Basically the joke was that the US media manipulates its viewers to fear every little thing out there, while the media in the UK informs their viewers about current events without trying to intimidate its viewers and incite panic. That sort of sprung to mind as I read your post.

    That salmon looks delicious. Salmon is one of my favorite foods in all honesty. I am not much of a cook but your receipt doesn’t seem as intimidating as the ones in the cookbooks at my parents’ home, so I might just give it a try. lol

    Have a fab day, enjoyed reading your post immensely xx

    http://www.soniamaverick.wordpress.com

  4. Hahahahaaha . This shit is so funny Dana. The weather channel in the US most be so interesting then. As for neighbours who stomp around their apartment, I’ve got a pair of those living above me too. Now that you mention it, they must be kids. I just can’t deal.
    About that food, You make eating healthy look so fun and yum. like seriously this looks tasty as fuck. And I love chicken with anything. You even made two things I don’t love (beet and brussel sprouts) look so darn tasty. Well done boo 😉

    http://www.artbecomesyou.com

    1. Lol, thank you babygirl!!
      I’ll be in Europe later this year, I look forward to seeing what’s considered scary news over there lol
      Give beets another shot… They never hurt nobody😝😝

  5. Stomping around with their brand new spinal cords might be the funniest thing I have ever heard! Meal looks deeelish and I am glad you survived Juno! NYC got like 6 inches and it the new made it seem like it was the apocalypse! I got nominated for an award and I nominated your blog. No worries if you don’t participate, I always feel bad when someone nominates me but I understand we are all really busy!! Happy Wednesday! xx

    1. 6 is nothing but yes I get it. Folks just wanna panic. It’s like the thing to do these days. Find something to panic about. 😑😑
      And thank you for the Nom!!!
      Congrats again love!!

  6. Stomping around with their brand new spinal cords. Hahahahaha Best description of children I’ve ever heard. They’re probably playing tag & doing some weird wrestling crap right over your head.

    This dinner, though, might be the most beautiful thing my eyes have ever seen. You’re a star in the kitchen!

  7. Everything looks and sounds perfectly amazing! But I would expect nothing less from you Dana. You’re a badass! That’s why you can shovel AND jump on a snow board. You don’t fall prey to the ‘hole yourself up and prepare to die’ mentality. Great stuff. If I ever breeze through your neck of a the woods, we are seriously gonna chat. LOL!

    1. Alright!!!
      I would do look forward to that because I gotta say, when I’m coming for the blog, I hear you in the back of my head going, “nah, you don’t wanna eat that..”
      😁😝

  8. There is not a thing I do not like about this post. Everything from the spooky weather people to shoveling the snow like a boss! Not to mention this is one chicken dish I could devour! Keep em’ coming sweetheart!

  9. Gurrrrl, I’ve been laughing about this “blizzard” situation for a few days. I live in the mountains. We get that kind of snow weekly. I own SNOW SHOES because we need them to shovel our cars out. Ain’t nothing but a snow fall baaabay, all snowed in and people goin craaaay-zeh. I love your food porn because I picture you arranging your plates so delicately in your kitchen and photographing the plate all serious.. Then being like THAT’S A WRAP! And just destroying it.. Because that’s what I do. You’re still my girl crush ❤

    1. Lmao!!
      This is hilarious Crawly because that’s exactly what I do!!
      I talk to my food like, “look at you, you sexy piece of shit. Look. At. You.”
      And then I’m like, “Annnnd you’re done!”
      My boyfriend things I’m crazy and he’s never been more right.
      I heart you too babygirl 💜💜💜

  10. The Weather Channel is the absolute WORST–I remember a year or two ago there was a big storm coming and instead of providing any real information, the maps had regions on them like “EXTREME DANGER” and “TAKE ACTION” and it was beyond ridiculous.

    I’m glad you didn’t lose power–between my PA and NY/CT friends on FB you’d think that the storm was a non-event across the board, but it was very clear that it hit MA very, very significantly. Everyone who is complaining that they didn’t get more snow needs to calm down right now.

    Regardless, your snowbound meal looks divine and perfect. 🙂

    1. Hahaha, this comment is cracking me up!
      Thank you sweetheart!
      I saw a map on Instagram during the storm that showed the entire northeast. And state by state it ranged from Fucked. Totally fucked. Completely fucked.

  11. Hahahaha, at least you actually got the predicted snow! 😉 In NYC it wasn’t anywhere close to what they said – my bf told me that people were quite pissed about the whole shutdown thing there 😀 But, I missed out on this ‘epic’ blizzard anyway, sitting back here in Europe now. Oh, and I know the feeling of the heavy feet in the apartment above you…I especially love it, when this person can’t sleep or gets up very early and makes noise exactly above from where I sleep…. 😀

    1. God, isn’t that the absolute worst??
      When they’re marching around at 2 am like it’s 5pm or something. Thank God I haven’t had that happen yet because guess who would immediately be tapping on their door?

  12. That is some serious Top Chef-worthy presentation! Beautiful dish, my friend! And I’m glad to hear that you survived the Blizzard of 2015 and that you haven’t become a popsicle! Meanwhile…I’m over here having a garden wedding. Teehee!

  13. I’ve never tried beet before…that golden color looks fantastic. How does it taste? I was told it’s sweet but a bit numbing?? don’t know what that is like…Great plating too!

    As for the weather, it looks pretty crazy in the States. It even looks colder than here in the north…

    1. Thank you Jing!!
      Sweet yes, numbing, definitely not.
      Wonder why they told you that?
      It is sweet with kinda a small crunch to it. The kind of crunch you get when you blanch a vegetable.
      Give it a chance though..

  14. Dear Friend,
    Love your post. I really do. However, I can’t relate right now. Snow? Losing Power? Freezing? Oh my! No, here the sky is blue, the sun is shining. The air is just right and the waves sparkle in the sunlight as I look across the bay. Ahhh…serenity. I left the snow and cold behind long ago… and they can stay there, but I can’t say the same for that meal you cooked! Gurl…I. AM. READY. TO. EAT!!!! 🙂 When you finally dig out of that snow, give me a call. HA!

  15. Oh man. That is exactly what I wanted out of that post. Like… damn, now I’m hungry for dinner and it’s barely 1:30. Definitely making this though likely swapping the chicken for tofu. But oh man. I think I just figured out what I’m cooking for Valentine’s Day. If I can wait that long.

  16. I know nothing about snow, but last year Auckland was geared up to have an epic storm. We prepared for it, we hunkered down. The damage: we had a plastic chair tip over and my tomato plant suffered from a few snapped stems. Whoa there. Wouldn’t want that to happen in a hurry.

    I love the idea of cocktails in a storm. You got class.

    I love your funk coloured beets. Look at their fat bodies! Look at those yellow stems. Gorgeous plating too. I like the scattery bits. You are pro.

    I never trust the weather report. Your instincts are probably better at divining the future than any weather report. But one thing I suspect is that they always OVER report for safety. Here in New Zealand, people go fishing. Like a lot. You have hundreds, if not thousands of people out on boats. You tell them a storm is coming and it hits, you’re fine. If you tell them it’s a nice day and a storm comes, well, that’s a shit storm. If you predict a storm and it doesn’t come, no lives are lost.

    1. Ha! You really are the best, you know that?
      Because you’re the only person I know that would describe a vegetable as a fat body.
      I only describe babies that way but I mean this is so perfect!!

  17. Whoa. Parsnips AND beets? Why not just add some well-aged cheese to make it even better-slash-gag-some? 😉

    I haven’t had anything remotely resembling winter for the last three years, despite living well north of you; I’m in skivvies with the windows open writing this, and bitterly envying you some cold.

    Half-assed cold-weather stuff of leftovers I made yesterday, even so: diced potato and a clove of garlic, simmered in plenty of water until just soft, add a big scoop of miso paste, stir to dissolve, add orphaned/leftover bits of frozen veg (diced okra FTW!) and keep simmering until the vegetables are crunchy-yet-hot, served with a spoonful of gochujang.

    And hell yes. In the bigger picture, children are the biggest threat facing the future. Yet, my own upstairs neighbors just got a small yippy (squeaky) dog, which for me personally is even more horrible. I wake up all the time scared and adrenalinated looking around for the huge fucking rat that is ‘obviously’ coming my way.

Go on, get it out..

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