People do you realize how long you can live without food?
Food is no big deal, you need heat.
That’s what you need.
Heat and water.
Which by the way – what the FUCK is with the weather channel?
I really think it’s like they get to work, turn off all the lights in the studio, put a flashlight under their g*ddamn chins and just proceed to scare the living shit out of people.
These fucking weather channel nerds. And yes I get the irony.
Does anybody that reads this work for the Weather Channel?
Can you give me some sort of anonymous, behind the scenes as to whyyy you do this?
You can’t shout fire in a crowded movie theatre but apparently you can have your own channel where you can tell everybody that if you go out, you’re gonna be fucking stranded and if you stay in, you’ll possibly lose power for at least 3 fucking days straight.
Have your whole night screwed up you’re so scared you’re gonna loose power and freeze to death.
I’m over it.
The blizzard came.
And it was indeed epic.
But all it really amounted to was just a lot of snow.
We didn’t lose power.
The taps are still running.
Heat’s still on…
The big, bad, historic, epic, ‘in record numbers’, hug your kids even if they are fucking awful, storm was really just a lot of snow.
A LOT of fluffy, powdery, white, damn-but-I-kinda-wanna-go-outside-and-play-right-now, snow.
Instead I cancelled my conference calls, cut the music on and cooked.
Sliding around in my thick, red, polka-dot socks.
And yes – those yellow cubes are Golden Beets.
Thank you Whole Foods 😀
When it was all said and done, my neighborhood was hit with 3 and a half feet of snow.
And when it finally stopped, I suited up, moisturized the shit out of my face, rolled Burts Beeswax and gloss on the lips and spent about an hour shoveling my car out.
Visuals at the bottom of this page.
That’s all it fucking took because I’m a pro at Winter people.
Shoveled that shit off like a g*ddamn BOSS.
I helped my neighbors shovel their car out too.
Then I stood around amused, watching people sled, bike, ski and snowboard down the streets.
Some in tandem.
My moment came when I saw this kid go flying off his board as he sledded down my street.
While his parents were cleaning him up and telling him to stop crying, I grabbed his board and only sort of half-asked his parents if I could take a go at it.
And now here I am, writing this up, sitting nice and comfy on my couch with 300: Rise of an Empire playing in the background (fucking love this movie) and a cocktail nearby.
The only thing interrupting my peace is the apt above me.
Who the FUCK has got the heavy feet up there?
It’s got to be kids.
When was the last time you saw a graceful child?
They’re so new to running, you know?
I mean they’ve only been doing it for like 4 years.
Stomping around with their brand new spinal cords.
Nothing hurts. They’re living the life.
And they just come straight down on their foot with absolutely NO fucking grace.
All these soccer moms with their g*ddamn blizzard-of-a-lifetime milk.
For the next fucking 3 weeks it’s, “Who wants cereal?”
But mooom we’ve had cereal..
“I SAID WHO WANTS CEREAL??!!”
And now they’re stomping around the fucking apartment, mad because they’ve been eating cereal for breakfast lunch and dinner and ruining MY fucking moment.
Smoked Paprika Chicken with Winter Vegetables & Parsnip Puree
What I Used
2 Chicken Breast Fillets. 1 cup Baby Brussel Sprouts (cut into quarters). 4 Beets (2 Golden ones if you can find them). 3-4 Large Parsnips (peeled & roughly chopped). Salt. Pepper. Smoked Paprika. Olive Oil.
What I Did
Beets first, they take the longest.
Pre-heat the oven to 450F.
Thoroughly wash the beets and pat-dry them.
Slice the tops off and place the beets on a tinfoil-lined baking try.
Generously drizzle olive oil over the beets and a few shakes of salt & pepper.
Place in the oven to roast for roughly 50 mins.
When the beets can be easily punctured with a fork, remove from oven and set aside to cool.
Meanwhile bring 2 small pots of salted water to boil.
Add the chopped parsnips to one.
Add the quartered brussel sprouts to the other.
Let the sprouts cook for about 3 mins.
The using a slotted spoon, remove them from the water and blanch in a bowl of ice cold water.
Drain and set aside.
Let the parsnips cook until tender.
Then strain them, reserving about 1 cup of the cooking liquid.
Puree the parsnip in a blender, adding some of the cooking liquid as necessary.
Set aside somewhere warm.
The beets should be cool enough to handle by now.
Peel the beets.
I recommend using gloves…pink fingers are not cute.
Cut the beets into 1” cubes, being careful to keep the red beets away from the golden beets.
Season the chicken, both sides, with salt, pepper and a decent coating of smoked paprika.
Let the chicken rest until you’re almost ready to serve.
When you’re say…10 mins away from serving, grill/broil the chicken, flipping once until it is cooked through.
Set aside to rest, untouched for 3-5 mins.