Lobster Chowder

Lobster Chowder
Over the weekend, I said some not so nice things to someone I love.
It wasn’t intentional, these kind of things never are, but it stung, the way these kind of things tend to do and I walked away feeling lousy.

Later, at the nail salon, I reflected on what I said and knew that the corrective action was an apology.
And that’s where Lobster comes in.

As much as I hate getting my nails done, once again, the nail salon came through with an idea of what to cook.
I swear I have some of the best moments of clarity there.
That’s how I decided on the Iceberg Wedge Salad I made a couple weeks ago.
Oh! And before you start giving me shit again, here’s what my nails look like.
Took it just for you so let’s just get that out of the way.

 

Right, like I was saying, I left feeling lousy.
I didn’t need to say the shit I said but I did anyway, because I’m a moron.

You know how it is, when you say dumb stuff, you need to apologize.
When you say a lot of dumb stuff, you get Lobster.

I picked up two, 3lb live lobsters and an additional 3, big ass, lobster tails.
Yes, I said a lot of dumb shit.

But now here’s the thing with me and lobster.

I have what I believe the experts would call, lobster- phobia.
Like I would rather be attacked by a bear on land than pick up a lobster.
You ever see a bear kill someone?
It comes up with that violent big slap, fucking breaks your neck, that’s it.
It’s over.

Me handling a live lobster?
That’s an all day dilemma for me.

I hate rodents and wiggly things in general and this fucking thing looks like a g*ddamn genetic mutation between the two of them.
These fucking things. Lobsters are what you’d get if the mother of all roaches and the queen of all scorpions had a baby underwater.
I’m not fucking touching that.

 

But back to the story, let’s get back on track here.
I was planning on making the big apology later that night so when I got home with the lobsters, I immediately put a big, big pot of water on to boil.

I knew it would take for fucking ever to boil and since it’s best to keep the lobsters wet, the plan was to empty them into the sink, and let them float around or whatever the fuck lobsters do, until the water was ready.

So gently, gingerly, I lifted up the bottom of the bag they were in and shook them out into the kitchen sink, leaning as far away from the sink as I could without breaking my fucking arm.

Immediately they start wriggling around and immediately I yelp and slam back into my shelf of glasses.
I looked down and saw 2 freshly wet, sweat soaked pits under my arms.

I looked back into the sink and no wonder they’re squirming around.
Both of the lobsters are on their back.
Which means I have to turn them over.
FUUUUUUCK!!!!!

I poured 2 big shots of Bourbon in the effort to man up and I have to tell you, I did feel a little better.
That liquid courage thing, whoever came up with that was onto something.

Right so after 2 shots and a lot of Come on Dana, man the fuck up! talk, I suit up, grab the gear I think I need to turn them over and  advance forward.
Slightly, sloooowly, gently.

As the tongs settled on either side of the the first lobster, immediately its tail snaps back and it really starts shaking around.
I shoved myself backwards into the shelf again, crashing into the row of martini glasses.

I was so fucking hot by now I was either  going to pass out or melt.
Sweating profusely I opened all the windows in my apt.
Who gives a shit if it’s 14 deg outside?
Handling lobsters here people.

I took several deep breaths and again, I advanced forward.
Right when my tong began to clasp around the upper mid-section of the first one, the one next to it started spazzing out and I peed myself a little.

That’s when I said FUCK IT, it’s time to get help.

 

I went downstairs and knocked on my neighbor Jonathans door.
He opened it, peering out curiously behind a face mask.

Jonathan, I need your help!!
Whoa, what’s wrong? What’s the matter Dana?
How are you with Lobsters???
Can you handle..wait, why do you have a face mask on? Do you have the flu or something?
Yeah I think so. Either that or a really bad cold, I’ve been down since the day of the blizzard.
Dude but can you handle LOBSTERS??
Wait, ok…wait, calm down Dana.
I have lobsters upside down in my sink and I just need your help turning them over and possibly putting them in the pot for me, Jonathan please!!
Ok ok ok, just relax. Let me put some shoes on.

 

Jonathan, bless his soul, came up to my kitchen and turned the lobsters over and when the water was properly boiling, also put them in the pot for me.
IMAG2278

He asked me if I was ok to cook them and I assured him I was fine.
Now that the lobsters were actually being steamed, the threat was gone.
So he took off and I took it from there.
Dana was back in control.

Not only was my apology accepted but I now have Lobster Chowder on deck baby!

 

So before we get into it, some small things:
The lobster stock really sets the stage for this dish. Make it exactly as I say.
Nah, I’m kidding – when it comes to the stock, the real key is having the shells in there. It really infuses the lobster flavor into the chowder so put as many shells as you can in there.
This can be a one-pot meal.
After the lobster is cooked, you can use the same pot to make the stock, then rinse that and use the pot again to make the chowder.
Not a big deal, just pointing out an opportunity to be efficient here.
Have a soft, freshly cooked loaf of bread nearby.

You will want bread with this, trust me on that.
Topping with bacon bits is mandatory.
They give it that wonderful, wonderful crunch that perfectly compliments the rich and creaminess of the chowder.
Do not skip this.
Lastly and crazy as it sounds – this chowder even better the next day.

 

 

Lobster Chowder

What I Used

1 cup Heavy Cream (or Soycream in my case). 2 3lbs Lobsters. 3 Large Lobster Tails. 2 Large Celery Stalks (diced). 3 cups Diced Potatoes. 2 cups Diced Bacon. 3 large Leeks (chopped and green parts separated from white parts). 1 cup White Wine. 3/4 Corn Cobbs (shaved). ½ Lemon. 1 cup Roughly Chopped Cilantro. Olive Oil. Salt. Pepper.

What I Did

Cooking your lobsters live:

Bring a large, large pot of water to boil.
When it’s nice and bubbly, put in the lobsters, however you manage it – head first.
Lobster Chowder
Cover and let cook for 10 mins or until the entire lobster is bright red.
Remove the lobster from the water and bring the pot back to boil again.

When the lobster is cool to touch, break it apart.
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Place the front claws back in the boiling water, to cook for another 10 mins.
The claws take the longest to cook and because you don’t want to EVER overcook lobster, you get the cooked parts out first and put the claws back in to finish cooking.
When the claws are also bright red, turn off the flame, preserving 10 cups of the lobster water.

When the lobster is cool enough to handle, remove the meat from the shell over a large bowl so you collect all the juices.
This is where those nut crackers come in handy and not the ones that have you making this in the first place.
Reserve the shells.

 

Create the lobster stock:

Add the leeks (green parts), reserved shells, collected juices from those shells, 10 cups of the lobster cooking water and the 1 cup white wine to a large stock pot.
Easy_lobster_broth
Bring to a boil, then reduce heat and let simmer for 40 mins.
While the stock is simmering, roughly chop the lobster meat then set it aside.

After 40 mins, strain the stock through a fine-mesh sieve.
Make sure it’s all stock, nothing else.
Set aside.

Heat a large pot over med-high flame.
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Add in the roughly chopped bacon.
When the bacon starts to brown, add in the white leeks and celery.
Shake in some black pepper and stir frequently for about 1 min.

Dump in the diced potatoes.
Stir frequently, for about 3 mins.
Pour in the strained lobster broth.
Simmer for 12 mins or until the potatoes are tender, stirring periodically.

When the potatoes are tender, add in shaved corn.
Bring back to a simmer and let cook for about 3-4mins.
Then add in the lobster chunks and cream.
Stir and let simmer for another 3-4 mins.
Note: If the chowder isn’t thick enough, add in small pinches of cornstarch, strirring after each pinch until the thickness you want is achieved.

Squeeze in half a lemon and stir.
Edit seasoning with salt & pepper, as needed.
Mix in the chopped cilantro.
Stir and remove from heat.

Serve with bread before you break the big news.

http://ivegotcake.com
Asiago Cheese Bread

IVC_1238_1 Black_food_bloggers

Like eggs, bread makes everything better.
Top with bacon bits and more cilantro.
Lobster Chowderhttp://ivegotcake.com

And Dear Seahawks Fans:

This is me also saying sorry for your loss.
Such a shame, what a loss.
😀
Lobster Chowder
Boston_foodies
http://ivegotcake.comdana_fashina_bostonLobster Chowder

92 thoughts on “Lobster Chowder

  1. I love to eat lobster but your descriptive details made me uneasy, too. I may just have to enjoy it when someone else cooks it. You are very brave. Beautiful photos! 😄

  2. Dana you are too funny! The soup looks so amazing! I hear ya though, I am petrified of all things wiggly, rodents especially. When I was younger, my father would buy lobster and let them crawl around the kitchen floor and my brother and I would scream bloody murder. I was petrified of them with their big claws, I am SO with you!! You must have said some really messed up stuff! Hope they liked the soup!!! xx

  3. Woooow LOL Roaches though? HAHA I feel you…this is why I dropped out of culinary art school, I didn’t want to deal with it..smh sad…It looks really good and I don’t even eat fish…I swear you are my favorite blogger right now!

  4. Hahahahaha. You always know how to make my Mondays more pleasant. Love the story! Glad your neighbor could help out! I’m just as terrified of lobsters…and crabs. One of each, I can take on. A plethora of them? Don’t think so! I see that nail salon is your muse. LOL. BTW, I’m at work eyeing this delicious meal of yours as I’m eating my salad for lunch. #Fail

  5. Live lobsters are kind of ridiculous which is why we’ve only made anything with one just once. That recipe had us put him in the freezer for a bit and then send him to the sea in the sky by splitting its head in two. (And that was considered humane!) While delicious, the whole exercise made me feel so guilty even though they are in essentials giant sea bugs.

    That there, though, is a pretty impressive way to offer an apology. Fantastic as always!

  6. Daaaayam this looks so good. Thing about home made chowder, is it’s chunk and full of good stuff, not the mean portions that restaurants and cafes sometimes serve (potato soup with a spoon of the “goods”).

    I’ve only had my nails done a few times and that was in Thailand because it’s super cheap there. I can’t stand paying someone a proper wage for something I could do myself. Never thought of the nail salon as a source of culinary inspiration though. How did that actually come about?

    I remember your lobster phobia, but well done on inflicting this on yourself again. I’m proud of you. Even if you had to get a knight in shining face mask to come to your aid.

    1. Haha! Right?
      I hate it when I go out to eat and order Lobster Chowder or something equally ‘special’ and only get a sliver of the actual item.
      I’m like, bitch…what the fuck is this?
      Broth with a side of lobster?
      Get this shit out of here!

      And if I could do my nails myself without it looking like clown makeup on my fingers, I wouldn’t pay for it either. But when you’re trapped like me, inspiration is all over the fucking place.
      When you’re flipping through those awful magazines, when you glance up and the Food Network Iron Chef is on, when someone else enters the salon and you get a whiff of food cooking from the restaurant down the street…
      All.
      Over.

  7. I can’t believe you cook live lobsters. Like, seriously. So impressed. When I was little and my dad would bring them home, my sister and I would surreptitiously steal them out of the fridge, one by one, and “set them free” in our bathtub (filled with some Morton’s salt and tap water). Somehow they always still ended up in our bellies.

    Now, when I go home to see my fam, I STILL can’t kill them (lobsters, not my family). Which means I eat lobster only when my dad is there to make it for me. #thisis30

    Also, yes, Patriots.

    1. Hahahahhahaha!
      This cracked me up!!
      Especially the, ‘#thisis30’ part!
      See, if I had your ability to ‘set them free’, I’d be eating lobster everyday.
      Whhhhyyyy am i cursed with this creepy-crawler phobia, whyyyyyyy!!!???

      PS
      Oh my GAWWWD, what a game!

      1. …I cannot believe I missed this game. I should be sent to fan jail.

        Re lobsters and phobias: Your phobia is there to keep your wallet intact. BUTTTTT keep Jonathan around. BC if I could have a Jonathan to put the lobsters in the pot and take them out at the right time so I don’t have to listen to them IN the pot, that would be the end of my wallet.

  8. Face mask, gloves, the whole kit. I love that kid. I also love how you described the lobster – so true. Although I do not fear them as you do because I know tasty tasty shit like this is the end result!! Nice work D 🙂

      1. You’re so cute!
        Ok,
        A. 😊😊😊
        B. It’s called Did You Ear by OPI (gel). New favorite!!!
        C. Wrap is a paraffin, hand softening treatment, as result of my tireless shoveling 😝
        D. Hahaha!! Will a really, really funny card work?
        E. I offered but he repeatedly declined after I told him why I was making it. He’s such an 😇

      2. I want your nail salon they make me wear baking mitts the size of my leg when I get paraffin! I will pretend like I get paraffin from something as intense as shoveling when really it’s just lame mommy stuff haha 😶

  9. Hahahahahaha! First of all thanks because from now on I won’t even go near lobster. They look like the fucking thing from Alien VS Predator movie. I just can’t. lol. Also bless Jonathan’s heart for taking over the situation on his sick day off. I don’t even know how to cook lobsters but you did a fantastic job. That looks #nomnom 😉

    I’m glad the Lobster Debacle was worth it and you both made up.

    http://www.artbecomesyou.com

  10. This was awesome, thank you! Crabs and whatnot are no problem, but I wouldn’t know what to do with lobsters — and now I do 😉

    Regarding the Seahawks, whut? Something happened? The nice thing about living out here is that people don’t really care much about sports. You have to really embarrass them into it. Getting a post-game riot on takes a HUGE amount of work in Seattle!

    Anyway, yeah, I tend to think lobsters are creepier than crabs. And crayfish, even more so. Ugh!

  11. From mean bad girlfriend to sweet apologetic girlfriend, all in the beat of a lobster heart….this looks absolutely delicious. In my Sydney Fish Market days, we always advocated ‘putting them to sleep’ in the freezer as a humane way of preparing them for the ‘big chop’. Glad Jonathon had a face mask on…just in case. Stoopy WordPress mysteriously ‘unfollowed’ me from you…lucky I realised!

  12. I love all things lobster. Therefore I was attracted to your post. Didn’t get far in reading it before I could NOT handle the language.

    It is sad that today’s “young people” cannot speak (or write) in a civilized tone. And, yes, I was highly offended.

  13. HAHAHHA I can relate to your lobster incident. It took me two whole minutes to even touch one when we brought a couple home LOL.. They’re scary creatures! But ohhh so delicious

  14. Could not prepare this…. i don’t do shell fish lol. I tasted a bit of lobster last Christmas…. nah not for me. I left the lobster and squid for my bf in Mauritius but still threw it up on the blog as it does look delicious. Personally I stick to normal looking fish lol.

Go on, get it out..

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