I know tomorrow is Valentine’s Day because every time I turn around someone’s OD’ing on what they’re going to wear for the big day.
It’s Valentine’s Day people, not New Years Eve.
Even NPR is telling me I gotta buy some g*ddamn flowers.
Why is it that whenever Valentine’s Day is coming up, everything from chocolate to dinner is marked up by like 90%?
Do flowers only bloom for this day? Why do we continue to feed into the hype?
Everybodys out there in their glitter dresses, makeup in full effect, patting ourselves on the back as though we did something great instead of just fucking getting dressed.
And if your man doesn’t go all out, back of his hand rubbing the side of your cheek, you act like it’s Armageddon.
Let me ask you a question, what do you get for your man on Valentine’s Day?
Do you even bother to ask him what he wants for Valentine’s Day?
And don’t say, Well he gets laid like that’s some kind of sacrifice for you.
Like sex doesn’t feel good for you too.
Do you ever try and change it up?
Or do you just give into it and do the same thing every year?
Like how much fun would it be if you celebrated it on the 12th?
You’d have a great time, think about it.
I actually advocate going out on the 15th, when you can get a g*ddamn reservation that doesn’t cost $300.
When you won’t have both your cheeks pressed against the couple on either side of you.
He’s trying not to move his fucking elbow becauase there’s a 85% chance he’ll knock over ‘their favorite!’ bottle of wine on the other table while you’re repeatedly asking him, “isn’t this nice?”
Or are you one of those 21st century women who uses Valentine’s Day as an excuse to be extra slutty?
God I hope you do.
I hope at least one of you is this woman.
If they’re any men reading this, guys, when are you gonna rise up and stake your claim on this day?
Maybe even demand a day for yourself.
What would you call it?
Steak & Blowjob Day?
Football & 3-some Day?
Imagine the cards.
Are there any women still reading this?
If you’re a single woman what do you do on V-Day?
Do you celebrate it? Treat yourself to a day at the spa like a classy broad? Get drunk with the rest of your single girlfriends?
Or do you just avoid it?
Like the way you don’t look at a psycho on the subway train.
Do you even realize it’s Valentine’s Day?
When that rosy, extra cheerful bitch at work practically shouts Happy Valentine’s Day!! to you at 8:42am, do you give her a look as if she just said the moon was made out of cheese?
Alright alright I’m done.
Before you think I’m a complete asshole, let’s get onto the food.
My boyfriend’s probably reading this with a, ‘what the fuck, Dana’ look on this face.
Or maybe he’s cracking up because we’re doing an Anti-Valentine’s Day thing this year.
You know what’s funny, we both hate Valentine’s Day yet our version of bucking the system is to rent a cabin somewhere in the woods this weekend, just the two of us.
Somehow we think getting cozy in a cabin with snow falling all around us, is the best way to say fuck Valentine’s Day.
And who’s kidding who – I’m not cooking.
Which means we’ll be going out to eat.
At least there will be video games.
There will be plenty of video games.
Steak & Rice Bowl
What I Used.
1 cup Dry White Rice. 3 Large Eggs. 2 Handfuls Fresh Baby Broccoli (ends cut off). ½lb Tenderloin or Porterhouse Fillet. ½ an Avocado. 2 cups Chicken/Beef Broth. 2 tbsp Brown Rice Vinegar. 2 Tbsp Soy Sauce. 2 tbsp Sriracha Sauce. Salt. Pepper.
What I Did.
Bring a small pot of water to boil.
Add the eggs.
Let boil for at least 15 mins.
Remove the eggs and set aside to cool.
In another small pot,
Add in the broth, brown rice vinegar, soy sauce and sriracha sauce.
Bring to a boil then reduce to a simmer.
Let cook for about 5 mins, adjusting the seasoning with salt and/or pepper.
Reheat the sauce.