I wish I could tell you I’m benefitting from all this lean eating, I really wish I could fucking say that..
Like I don’t know what it is but for whatever reason the fat ass in me is fucking coming out and I’m eating like an absolute animal on weekends.
The only reason I’m not gaining weight is because I cut out all that drinking.
But I swear to god sometimes…
Sometimes I just wanna say fuck it and eat a whole g*ddamn pie.
With creamy vanilla ice cream on the side and just an unreasonable dose of caramel on top.
And then have 18 shortbread cookies for dessert.
Wash it all down with a giant strawberry milkshake.
Just completely, immerse myself in that sugar-salt addiction.
Like if I wasn’t disturbed by the fact that my parents would look better than me and that all the lactose in that ice cream would probably kill me, I think I could do it.
If it wasn’t for the sheer fact that the 30 mins it would take to eat all that would mean 20 brutal, just non-stop days at the gym and possibly running into bush-lady in the steam room again.
You guys remember bush-lady?
That lady in the steam room, walking around naked, popping out of every corner, practically harassing me with her hairy g*ddamn hoo-ha.
You wanna talk about an absolute shit-show.
If you missed it, here’s the story about bush-lady.
I have to shout the memory away from just writing about her.
So anyway, like I was saying.
This isn’t very Easter-y but if you really want to make some fancy, spring-like shit for Easter, I’d say try this Nicoise Salad or this Watermelon Salad if you can get some watermelon or this Baked Potato with Caviar if you’re having Easter dinner at someone else’s house and you don’t want to look like a bum by bringing nothing.
For those that don’t give a shit about Easter, let me make a couple notes before we move onto this dish:
– A 1.5lb Tuna steak will serve 2 people nicely but you will want to double it if you are serving more than 2.
– It’s important to use baby cucumber for this because the green peel is more tender to consume than a regular adult cucumber which toughens over time.
– This is light meal. So if you want to make this more filling, consider adding more to the salad.
Throw in all sorts of other green shit; asparagus, peppers, peas, arugula, haricot verts…seriously go for it.
Ahi Tuna with Cucumber Ribbon Salad
What I Used.
1.5lb – 3lb Sushi-Grade Tuna Steaks. 5 Baby Cucumbers. 1 Large Handful Fresh Cilantro. 1 tsp Sesame Seeds. Olive Oil. Salt. Pepper.
What I Did.
Place the tuna in the pan and sauté for 30-45 sec.
The goal is to achieve a slightly golden brown color without compromising the rareness of the tuna.
Flip the tuna and sauté the other side for the 30 sec.
Remove the tuna from the pan and set aside to rest.
For the cucumber salad:
In a bowl, peel the cucumbers into ½” ribbons.
Roughly chop the cilantro and add it to the bowl.
Shake in some salt, pepper and some sesame seeds.
Give things a good toss.
Adjust seasoning as necessary.