“Battery level – high“
They got the English lady in there sounding off because for some reason an English accent makes your device seem classy.
So this lady butler that’s in my computer started going, “Battery Level – medium.”
And I figured, alright, I don’t have to worry about anything until fucking Queen Elizabeth starts going, Battery Level – low.
And then I’ll charge.
That’s how it’s supposed to go, right?
This shit went from “Battery Level – high” to “Battery Level – Medium” to shutting the fuck off.
That’s kind of like when somebody you know just gets divorced out of fucking nowhere.
You’re going, “Aww what! I thought they were getting along great!”
And they’re like, “Yeah no no, we decided to just go our separate ways.”
That got grave really quick, didn’t it?
Mom and dad are still together.
Alright this is getting weird, let’s get to this recipe.
I decided that it’s too hot to cook this week, it’s just too fucking hot.
And humid too, you know?
Like sticky icky icky, hot.
Everytime a fucking breeze blows through and I’m in the shade I definitely have an orgasm.
Anyway this week and all through next, I’m
eating cooking light.
So this is meant to be an appetizer.
And whenever I’m feeling for something simple, I hit up A Return to Cooking, by Eric Ripert & Michael Ruhlman.
Eric Ripert taught me how to light my food on fire.
I’ve never done that before, have you?
Just have your whole pan in flames?
Intentionally, I mean?
Look I’m the last person to try and talk about lighting food on fire, I’ve never even cooked with firewood.
All I know is this shit is fucking A W E S O M E.
Wooo weee is that shit fun!
You’re basically burning off all the alcohol. That’s what all the fire is about.
Like in the movies where somebody stuffs a sock in a bottle of Jack Daniels and throws it at a car/someone else?
That’s basically this…
And the remaining liquid is a little sweet because it got, sort of carmelized (I swear no pun intended) in the process.
It’s hard to explain.
See I told you I don’t know what I’m talking about –
Just make this for the fun of torching your skillet but don’t try and make a meal out of it.
Because shrimp has a lot of sodium in it and too much of it is bad for you.
Look I don’t fucking know.
Just keep it simple, alright?
Crack a couple shells here and there and wait for the main meal.
And if you decide to torch things, be careful for christsakes!
Smoked Paprika and Cognac Shrimp
What I Used
30 -35 Unpeeled, Uncooked Wild Shrimp. 1 Onion (diced). ½ cup Fine Cognac. 1 Stick Butter. 1 tbsp Smoked Paprika. 1 tbsp Crushed Red Chilli Peppers. Salt. Black Pepper. Olive Oil. ½ a Lemon. Chives (optional).
What I Did
After 15 mins, heat 1 tbsp olive oil in a large saute pan.
Add ½ of the diced onion and saute until they start to brown.
Add half of the cognac to the pan and carefully ignite it with a match.
I tried to take a picture for you but a flaming pan in one hand – a camera in the other… c’mon now.
Add half of the butter to the pan and stir (wooden utencil only) until the butter is incorporated.
It’ll look a little creamy.
Give the pan a good shake and set aside under tinfoil to keep warm.
Saute the remaining shrimp using the remaining onions and another tbsp of olive oil.
2 mins each side.
Cognac. Flames. Butter.
You got it.
Serve by placing the shrimp in a large bowl.
Spoon the jus over the shrimp and squeeze the lemon on top.
Do not forget to squeeze the lemon on top.
You can sprinkle some diced chives over it if you’d like, pretty it up some.
We said fuck all that but don’t listen to us – do what you feel like.
It is absolutely ok by the way, to lick your fingers down all the way to the knuckle.