I’ve been celebrating left and right, partying my little behind off but I’m ready to get back on the healthy train.
Get back on track, you know?
I actually lost a few lbs already.
The first week is always easy though.
Your body is so you used you just being such a cunt.
Drinking whisky while ordering cake.
And all of a sudden if you just have one bowl of oatmeal, it’s such a shock to your system that you actually drop a couple of lbs.
Unfortunately after a week your body is like, “Oh this is the new game, this is the new game..”
You’re thinking, well shit I’m gonna drop 2lbs every 4 days, I’ll be in fucking shape by Aug 1st.
But then what happens?
Another 6 days goes by and you’ve lost like half a pound.
And that’s when you gottta man up and not become depressed and bury your face in a bag of cheetos.
So I’m just bringing this shit up to you guys so you can check in on me, the way I check in on you.
Help keep me honest, you know?
So I’m kicking things off with this Cauliflower recipe.
2015 is a good year for cauliflower, it’s on everybody’s blog.
Cauliflower pizza, cauliflower burgers, buffalo cauliflower…it’s fucking everywhere.
So I’m thinking, it’s time for me to jump on that train too.
I’m not trying to be left out…
Can I just say, seasoning cauliflower and then roasting it?
SO fucking good.
It’s like the best snack ever.
I seriously could not stop noshing on it, I almost didn’t have enough left to photograph.
Little panic set in for a min there.
Kinda like when you’re at a birthday party and they have the cake out but haven’t cut it yet because it isn’t time.
But you keep eyeing the cake, circling around it every 3 mins.
You start telling yourself no one will notice if you pick a liiiiiitle piece off the back.
So what do you do?
You get up nice and close to the cake.
And still looking around, you let your hand drop behind it while you use your ring finger to knock a couple of those chocolate shavings off the cake.
Eyes wide, still looking to make sure nobody’s watching you, you bring that little piece to your mouth and what happens?
You’re fucking hooked.
You are fucking, hooked.
And with your back straighter than it’s ever been in your entire life, you let your hand fall behind the cake again and go in for more.
15 mins later, your craving is at bay, you’ve calmed down a little, managed to compose yourself…
You’re ready to go join the party.
You’re ready to have a little drink, maybe shake a leg or two – you’re feeling good, right?
And then they announce it’s time to cut the cake.
And you fucking panic.
That’s literally what making this cauliflower was like.
I took a break from taking pictures to start writing up this recipe and I swear I could not get 4 sentences out without reaching in for one of them.
By the time I was ready to take the final pictures I almost had a heart attack.
It looked like a g*ddamn tray of leftovers.
So think of this as more of a side dish.
Smoked Paprika Cauliflower
What I Used
5-6 cups Cauliflower Florets. 2 tbsp Smoked Paprika. 2 tsp Minced Garlic. 3 tbsp Olive Oil. 1 Small Handful Cilantro. 1 Small Habenero Pepper. Salt. Pepper.
What I Did
Next, cut the cauliflower florets so they’re about the same size and place in a large ziplock bag.
Pour in the smoked paprika mix, seal the bag and give things a goooood shake, making sure the florets are properly coated.
Set aside to marinate for about 30 mins.
Meanwhile preheat the oven to 400F and line a baking try with parchment paper.
Serve by tossing the cauliflower with the cilantro and hebenero, adjusting the seasoning if needed.
Hope these pics aren’t too dark for you.
We had some sketchy weather during this one and by the time I started to give a fuck, the food was all gone.