The holiday parties are here and in full swing so listen to me.You gotta go into these holiday parties with a gameplan, alright?
Because you know as well as I do – eating like crap only manifests more eating like crap and at the end of the day I just wanna be in your corner.
So why don’t you take a couple of parties off and just watch people.
Go into that party, look around yourself and just know, you’re not going to be the one on the losing end.
Actually if you can just order a water first and drink that, you’ll be fine.
Because your brains like, “Oh yeah, we like water, let’s have a little more of that” and that’s it.
You just take it easy.
Order a water first, then a glass of wine, maybe one steep cocktail… and just look around you.
Watch your friends start getting bleary-eyed.
And you’ll hear them going, “Oh my god I have to stop, I have to stop”, but they can’t. Fucking. Stop.
They’re falling right into that sugar-salt addiction and you gotta remind yourself you’re better than that.
You go to the bar and order a water.
And watch your friends basically rufee themselves.
Watch them say shit that they’re gonna have to apologize for later and you?
You walk out of there, squeaky fucking clean.
Because you don’t wanna be Fast Eddie, you wanna enjoy yourself by taking your time with these parties.
But then you pick one.
You pick one Christmas party where you’re gonna throw down, you gotta have some fun afterall…
So you pick one where you’re gonna get absolutely fucking obliterated.
And that’s the one where your boss isn’t there.
That skank that you been waiting all year to curse the fuck out isn’t there.
HR isn’t there…
It’s just you and the booze.
Staring each other down.
I think I gave this same gameplan last year.
Just you and the booze…
Maybe some of your friends, a little Christmas tree, couple games, couple prostitutes…whatever it takes to create your fucking utopia and you just throw down.
Celebrate the holidays the way it was meant to be.
And then the next day, you get right back to it.
You get right back on the fucking wagon like the lady you are.
Anyways, these cookies.
As you can see, I had help, which was nice for a change.
To just be the photographer.
He wanted a honorable mention and probably deserves it but meh…
These cookies are the truth though.
Seriously fucking good, although I had to play around with the recipe a couple times because the first batch was too dense.
Not enough chewy-ness, but I figured it out.
These pics are from the first set though because I was too lazy to re-do them on the 2nd one.
I got lazy.
Red Velvet Crackle Cookies
What I Used
2 cups All-purpose Flour. ⅓ cup Unsweetened Cocoa Powder. 2 tsp Baking Powder. A pinch of Salt. 1 ⅓ cups Brown Sugar. 1 ½ stick Unsalted Butter (room temperature). 2 Eggs (room temperature). ¼ cup Dulce de Leche. 1 tsp Vanilla Extract. 2 tsp Red Food Coloring. 2 cups Powdered Sugar.
What I Did
Preheat your oven to 350F and line baking sheets with parchment paper.
Beat the eggs in a separate bowl and add them into the butter and sugar mixture.
Add in the dulce de leche, the vanilla extract and the food coloring.
Mix until well combined.
Fold the flour mixture into the egg mixture and stir until combined and even.
You may need to add in more flour, a tablespoon at a time if the dough is still too runny. You want to achieve a slightly thick texture so you can form it into a ball later.
Place the dough in the fridge to chill for at least 3 hours.
That’s forever, I know, but it really helps you form the dough into balls later.
Roll the ball in the powdered sugar and place on the baking sheets.
Then using your thumb, lightly press down in the center of the ball.
You’ll see it sort of crack around the edges – crackle cookies, get it?
Keep the cookies well separated apart on the baking sheets.
Bake for 11-13 minutes until set but not browned.
Allow to cool completely.