Creamy Coconut Kale & Leftover Chicken Salad

by Dana @ IveGotCake In Dope Shit, Healthy foods, Meats, Quick & Simple, Recipes, Soups/Salad, Veggies made fun 77 Comments

I’m starting to hear about this thing, this person called a money manager.

A money manager is  someone who takes care of paying your bills, taxes, etc (with your money of course), just so you don’t have to be bothered.

You’re basically paying someone to pay your bills.

 

 

That’s like signing over power of attorney.

These fucking people that I know have a money manager, talking about, “I haven’t paid a bill in years!”
They just have some guy writing checks on their account, signing their fucking name.

Yeah no, there you go.

There’s a good move financially.
Because you don’t want to lick a stamp 5 times a month you’re going to just hand over all your finances, everything you fucking worked for to some fucking random person dochebag  jerk off?

 

You can’t do that shit, you hear me?
You cannot do that shit.

Anytime you’re in a position to have a money manager you cannot do it, because there’s no way you’re not making more money than that fucking guy.

So all he’s going to do is see you making more money than him and he’s handling all the money and eventually he’s going to be like, “…hey you know, I think I’m entitled to more too….”

 

So he goes to McDonalds on your dime.
“Da da do boo booooo, your-four-bucks!”

He fucking chows down anyways.
To see if you pay attention.

To see if you fucking notice.

 

Nothing.

 

“Do I wait another month?”, he’s probably thinking to himself.
“I mean we’re fucking with the jail time if I get caught, better play it safe.”

 

2, 3 months go by and you don’t fucking notice and he goes, “My kids got a birthday coming up, let’s see if I can dip in here and go to Toys R Us, let’s see if he notices – let’s just see…..”

He goes down there, gets the Millennium Falcon and all the Star Wars shit for his son.
He gets the EasyBake, whatever you call it these days oven for his fucking daughter, right?
Right??

 

$150 bucks out of the account, do you notice?
No.
That’s pennies to you, you do not fucking notice…

And this wound of his, it just keeps opening and opening, he can’t fucking stop himself.

He’s taken so much fucking money, he starts donating some of it to charity.
Taking his friends out going, “Don’t worry about it boys, its all on me tonight!”

 

And he knows what’s coming as he sits between his 2000 threadcount sheets at night.

 

He’s just laying there knowing at some point that door is going to get kicked in and he’s just going to hear them outside the door going, “OPEN THE DOOR!!!”

“OPEN THE DOOR AND GET ON THE GROUND, NOW!!”

And he’s going to be like, did I just dream that!!??
And then he’s going to hear BOOM and it’s going to come open and there he’s going to be.

 

And then they’re going to grab him, twist his arms behind his back while he’s breathing all heavy and crying and shit.
And they’re gonna haul him off to jail.

But then now you got to take this cunt to court but that’s pretty much pointless because he’s already blown all the fucking cash!
He’s already plowed throw all your money, all your fucking hard work…

Or you know what you could do?

 

You can make out a check to the gas company every fucking month, you could do that.

You could sit down in front of the TV, watch a little bit of the news and write out a check.
I mean that’s what you could do.

 

Anyway here’s a 10 min healthy recipe to make those dry ass chicken breasts that are always left over, taste better.
Because it’s back to eating good.

Back to knowing better.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Creamy Coconut Kale & Leftover Chicken Salad

 

What I Used

10 cup  Fresh Kale Leaves (hard stems removed and cut into pieces). 2 cups Coconut Cream. 2-3 cups Leftover Chicken (shredded). 1 tbsp Olive Oil. Salt. Pepper.

What I Did

boston_cooking_bloggers
Bring a large pot of water to a boil.
When boiling, add in the kale.

Lower the heat and let the kale cook, immersed in the water for about 3 mins.
Then drain in a colander.

Gently squeeze out any excess water from the kale leaves and set aside.
http://ivegotcake.com

 

Heat 1 tbsp olive oil in a med pot.
Add the coconut cream to the pot.

Lower the heat to a simmer and let cook until the coconut milk has condensed to about 1 cup.
Then add in the leftover chicken.
leftover_chicken_and_turkey_recipes

Adjust seasoning a bit with salt & pepper.
When the chicken has warmed through, add in the kale.

Stir gently, incorporating the kale into the creamy mixture.

Serve immediately.
IVC_8725Dana_fashina_recipescoconut kale and leftover chicken salad
This shit was actually pretty delicious.

I mean I knew it would be but this shit is like…really fucking good.
You’re alright, Kale.
really_good_kale_recipes

77 thoughts on “Creamy Coconut Kale & Leftover Chicken Salad”

  1. This looks and sounds truly delicious, I would never have thought of putting kale and coconut cream together, but why not? I’m sure it yields a satisfying and yet light and elegant salad. And I really enjoyed reading about “money managers”… so funny!

    Reply

  2. Wow! You are such a fantastic writer and photographer. I am so jealous! This combination looks absolutely divine and super creative. I remember growing kale in my backyard back in BC, but now that I’m living in cold, cold, Waterloo, it’s all about the grocery store spinach 🙂

    Thanks for sharing such a great recipe. By the way, I just discovered your blog and absolutely love it! I can’t wait to see more recipes in the future. 🙂 Have a great week!

    Reply

  9. That looks f*ing amazing. I’m not down with coconut anything except coconut oil to condition my hair hahaha! So yeah, put some cream in that thang & send it to Las Vegas. Because they have people for that right?! They’ll package it up and send anything these days lmao. Please & thank you.

    Reply

  15. Hahahaha why do I feel like you were living this story as you were typing it?? I’m at my desk in hushed giggles and on the verge of tears.

    Fuks given. Check shall be written.

    The kale salad – def a great use of leftover and I’m sure it taste just as delishious as it looks.

    Reply

  17. Delicious…healthy…and great advice! What a great blog you’ve got here Dana! I agree…I would not let anyone touch my money but me!! We have a financial advisor but she just gives advice! With the internet, paying bills is a click or two – just too damn easy to let anyone else do it! 🙂 🙂

    Reply

  19. Can you just come and cook for me please 🙂 Cause this seriously look delicious! And i could really go for a burger too, like the one you posted the other day.
    I would have never thought to use coconut cream with kale, genius! Makes my kale salads look like crap! So do you ‘massage kale leafs’ prior to boiling them… I heard on some cooking show that if you do that it sweetens the taste. However, I tried it and didn’t notice a difference 😦

    xo, Jackie
    stylemydreams.com

    Reply

    1. Alright, alright, I’ll come cook for you guys!
      Haha!!

      If I’d bought the big kale leaves that still have their stalk attached, yes – I would def have massaged them.
      But because these were already chopped and bagged, they were already ‘tenderized’ so I didn’t need to.
      But that show is right – when you massage kale it does take on a sweet’ish taste and is softens considerably.

      ❤ you Jackie!

      Reply

  22. I want one of those… both the kale deliciousness & the money manager. I just don’t like being a pants wearing adult sometimes… but, when you put it that way, I’ll work on it!

    Food looks delicious & right up my alley after the vacation I took. Well done m’lady!

    Reply

  24. You’re so imaginative, I can’t even stand it. Although your story has probably happened from time to time.

    I love Kale and this salad looks quick, easy, and healthy. Just my style! 😀

    Reply

  25. I sincerely do not understand how money managers have a job now that auto-pay via the internet is a thing. Or why banks don’t offer this service more often, for that matter, because they probably can get a decent rate for it and can’t steal their customer’s money.

    Reply
  31. Pingback: Kale, Broccoli, and Chicken in Coconut Milk | Beauty Blogger JustBeingJulz

  32. Money manager? In the days of internet banking it takes 30 seconds to pay a bill.You can literally pay a bill on your phone while sitting on the toilet, who would need a money manager??

    Anyway.

    That salad looks amaze-balls.

    Reply
  33. Pingback: Butternut Squash Pizza Pies – I've Got Cake

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