Creamy Coconut Kale & Leftover Chicken Salad
I’m starting to hear about this thing, this person called a money manager.
A money manager is someone who takes care of paying your bills, taxes, etc (with your money of course), just so you don’t have to be bothered.
You’re basically paying someone to pay your bills.
That’s like signing over power of attorney.
These fucking people that I know have a money manager, talking about, “I haven’t paid a bill in years!”
They just have some guy writing checks on their account, signing their fucking name.
Yeah no, there you go.
There’s a good move financially.
Because you don’t want to lick a stamp 5 times a month you’re going to just hand over all your finances, everything you fucking worked for to some fucking random person dochebag jerk off?
You can’t do that shit, you hear me?
You cannot do that shit.
Anytime you’re in a position to have a money manager you cannot do it, because there’s no way you’re not making more money than that fucking guy.
So all he’s going to do is see you making more money than him and he’s handling all the money and eventually he’s going to be like, “…hey you know, I think I’m entitled to more too….”
So he goes to McDonalds on your dime.
“Da da do boo booooo, your-four-bucks!”
He fucking chows down anyways.
To see if you pay attention.
To see if you fucking notice.
Nothing.
“Do I wait another month?”, he’s probably thinking to himself.
“I mean we’re fucking with the jail time if I get caught, better play it safe.”
2, 3 months go by and you don’t fucking notice and he goes, “My kids got a birthday coming up, let’s see if I can dip in here and go to Toys R Us, let’s see if he notices – let’s just see…..”
He goes down there, gets the Millennium Falcon and all the Star Wars shit for his son.
He gets the EasyBake, whatever you call it these days oven for his fucking daughter, right?
Right??
$150 bucks out of the account, do you notice?
No.
That’s pennies to you, you do not fucking notice…
And this wound of his, it just keeps opening and opening, he can’t fucking stop himself.
He’s taken so much fucking money, he starts donating some of it to charity.
Taking his friends out going, “Don’t worry about it boys, its all on me tonight!”
And he knows what’s coming as he sits between his 2000 threadcount sheets at night.
He’s just laying there knowing at some point that door is going to get kicked in and he’s just going to hear them outside the door going, “OPEN THE DOOR!!!”
“OPEN THE DOOR AND GET ON THE GROUND, NOW!!”
And he’s going to be like, did I just dream that!!??
And then he’s going to hear BOOM and it’s going to come open and there he’s going to be.
And then they’re going to grab him, twist his arms behind his back while he’s breathing all heavy and crying and shit.
And they’re gonna haul him off to jail.
But then now you got to take this cunt to court but that’s pretty much pointless because he’s already blown all the fucking cash!
He’s already plowed throw all your money, all your fucking hard work…
Or you know what you could do?
You can make out a check to the gas company every fucking month, you could do that.
You could sit down in front of the TV, watch a little bit of the news and write out a check.
I mean that’s what you could do.
Anyway here’s a 10 min healthy recipe to make those dry ass chicken breasts that are always left over, taste better.
Because it’s back to eating good.
Back to knowing better.
Creamy Coconut Kale & Leftover Chicken Salad
What I Used
10 cup Fresh Kale Leaves (hard stems removed and cut into pieces). 2 cups Coconut Cream. 2-3 cups Leftover Chicken (shredded). 1 tbsp Olive Oil. Salt. Pepper.
What I Did
Bring a large pot of water to a boil.
When boiling, add in the kale.
Lower the heat and let the kale cook, immersed in the water for about 3 mins.
Then drain in a colander.
Gently squeeze out any excess water from the kale leaves and set aside.
Heat 1 tbsp olive oil in a med pot.
Add the coconut cream to the pot.
Lower the heat to a simmer and let cook until the coconut milk has condensed to about 1 cup.
Then add in the leftover chicken.
Adjust seasoning a bit with salt & pepper.
When the chicken has warmed through, add in the kale.
Stir gently, incorporating the kale into the creamy mixture.
Serve immediately.
This shit was actually pretty delicious.
I mean I knew it would be but this shit is like…really fucking good.
You’re alright, Kale.
This looks and sounds truly delicious, I would never have thought of putting kale and coconut cream together, but why not? I’m sure it yields a satisfying and yet light and elegant salad. And I really enjoyed reading about “money managers”… so funny!
Yes, light and elegant is the perfect word choice!
Thanks Darya!!
❤ ❤
Wow! You are such a fantastic writer and photographer. I am so jealous! This combination looks absolutely divine and super creative. I remember growing kale in my backyard back in BC, but now that I’m living in cold, cold, Waterloo, it’s all about the grocery store spinach 🙂
Thanks for sharing such a great recipe. By the way, I just discovered your blog and absolutely love it! I can’t wait to see more recipes in the future. 🙂 Have a great week!
Aw, thank you so much for the lovely comment, I’m so glad you like the post and thank you for taking the time to even visit my lil ol blog 😀
Hope you have a great week too!
❤
Great post…so true !!!
Love the recipe. Looks divine. You are a star 🙂
Aww shucks…
😀 😀
Wonderful recipe! Sounds delicious!
Thank you, kale is so underrated!
xoxo
It really is wonderful! Thanks for sharing. 🙂 xo
Great idea to give dry chicken some life with a little coconut cream. This sounds good.
Ah Cynthia, it was so goooood!!
loved the money manager diatribe. 🙂 and I will have to try the chicken, kale and coconut this week. yum.
Thank you!
Definitely do so 🙂 🙂
Oh my gosh, Y-U-M! This looks so awesome – what a unique recipe! 🙂
Thanks babylove!
I always forget about kale, haha!
WOW. Such a phenomenal recipe.. its 7am and I’m suddenly craving exactly this! Double points for being creative and the whole spiel on “money managers” haha! Thanks for sharing lovely, yum!
Xo. http://www.sonamnaiducreative.com
Aw, thank you so much Sonam!!
And thank you for stopping by my blog ❤
That looks f*ing amazing. I’m not down with coconut anything except coconut oil to condition my hair hahaha! So yeah, put some cream in that thang & send it to Las Vegas. Because they have people for that right?! They’ll package it up and send anything these days lmao. Please & thank you.
Hahahaha!!
I know right, lolol
Hilarious.
And the recipe looks amazing!!
Hey Jocelyn, thanks babe!
xoxo
Lmfao!!! This was soooo funny, omg! XD
So Dana, you, ummmm…..wanna be my money manager?
Hell yeah I do!!
I was playing this story out as I was writing it and I can see a way to cheat the system and STILL live off your money, haha!
It’s ok if I let it happen! 😀
They money manager thing is bonded by law though. Mess up and off you go to jail☺☺
It is good for the wealthy and wise.
Love the dish👌👌
Have a fantastic week ahead.
Mojisola
http://www.mojintouch.com
Hahaha, exactly!
Have a great week too beautiful!
xox
“You’ve got Kale” 😛
Looks amazing!
Xx. parparv.com
Hahahha! That’s a good one, hahaha!!
❤
This looks delicious! x
New post 🙂
https://dearmylifeandme.wordpress.com/
Ugh! So good.
Coconut cream and kale = da shit.
Hahahaha why do I feel like you were living this story as you were typing it?? I’m at my desk in hushed giggles and on the verge of tears.
Fuks given. Check shall be written.
The kale salad – def a great use of leftover and I’m sure it taste just as delishious as it looks.
I was – it was playing out in my head as i was typing, haha.
Shit just kept getting worse and worse
Sounds really good!
It was pretty fantastic 🙂
xoxo
I wish my husband would eat kale! I might have to just add broccoli, that way I can just serve the hubs the broccoli, and the son and I can have the rest.
Ahh, see now that’s a good workaround!
Kale needs more fans, haha
I agree! 🙂
Delicious…healthy…and great advice! What a great blog you’ve got here Dana! I agree…I would not let anyone touch my money but me!! We have a financial advisor but she just gives advice! With the internet, paying bills is a click or two – just too damn easy to let anyone else do it! 🙂 🙂
Exactly!
Why on earth would I spend money to pay money???
Bah!
Thank you for such a sweet compliment Linda, thank you so much!
❤ ❤
My pleasure! 🙂 🙂
Looks so fresh and delish!!☺
Ahhh it was!
Can you just come and cook for me please 🙂 Cause this seriously look delicious! And i could really go for a burger too, like the one you posted the other day.
I would have never thought to use coconut cream with kale, genius! Makes my kale salads look like crap! So do you ‘massage kale leafs’ prior to boiling them… I heard on some cooking show that if you do that it sweetens the taste. However, I tried it and didn’t notice a difference 😦
xo, Jackie
stylemydreams.com
Alright, alright, I’ll come cook for you guys!
Haha!!
If I’d bought the big kale leaves that still have their stalk attached, yes – I would def have massaged them.
But because these were already chopped and bagged, they were already ‘tenderized’ so I didn’t need to.
But that show is right – when you massage kale it does take on a sweet’ish taste and is softens considerably.
❤ you Jackie!
Have kale and chicken breasts and a tin of coconut milk so I am so going to make this.
Money manager? Really? what will people think of next?
Brilliant post as usual
You got all the things for a bomb ass salad then.
I will say though that this is good as a light lunch or a side dish. Just something to keep in mind ❤
I am going to try this. I will let you know how it goes 🙂
Yaayyyyyy!!!
I want one of those… both the kale deliciousness & the money manager. I just don’t like being a pants wearing adult sometimes… but, when you put it that way, I’ll work on it!
Food looks delicious & right up my alley after the vacation I took. Well done m’lady!
From your Instagram, you had a pretty damn fine vacation, can’t wait to hear all about it!!
What a great looking salad. I’ve had it with coconut oil before and it really takes it to another level. Very healthy. As for a money manager…questionable.
Coconut oil!!
Sigh…next time….next time…
You’re so imaginative, I can’t even stand it. Although your story has probably happened from time to time.
I love Kale and this salad looks quick, easy, and healthy. Just my style! 😀
The sad thing is, it probably has, haha
And thanks babygirl, that makes me feel all gushy inside 😀
I sincerely do not understand how money managers have a job now that auto-pay via the internet is a thing. Or why banks don’t offer this service more often, for that matter, because they probably can get a decent rate for it and can’t steal their customer’s money.
*throws up hands and let’s out exasperated sigh*
I honestly look forward to all of your blog rants, they’re so funny. They make my day!
This salad looks wayyyy to good.
You know sometimes I worry..
Like I worry about coming across like an absolute psycho so thank you for reassuring me babe.
I ❤ you so damn much.
Beautiful and tasty food
kisses
radior7.blogspot.com
❤ ❤
Omg yum.
http://lifestylefinesse.com
Right!?!
Haha ❤
That salad looks fab!
Thanks babe ❤
You used the fucking “C-bomb”! I am very impressed Dana, very bloody impressed indeed. And I also liked the food and photos and stuff too 🙂
Ahhh yeah I did there didn’t I, haha!!
Forgot about that, literally just said what was in my head lol
I fricking love it!!
Teehee!!
Money manager? In the days of internet banking it takes 30 seconds to pay a bill.You can literally pay a bill on your phone while sitting on the toilet, who would need a money manager??
Anyway.
That salad looks amaze-balls.
Isn’t it astounding how dumb people are?
Thanks babe ❤
I love kale but have never combined it with coconut cream. I’ll have to give it a try. Thanks for the idea!
My pleasure 🙂
Hope you’re having a nice week!
xo
This looks so good I Think I am going to have to try this. Yum!
Do it do it do it!!