Asian Noodle Bowl

I’m going to need you guys to come up with the name for this phenomenon…

Ever been in an airport terminal and there’s some fucking douche talking loudly on his cell phone?
Of course you have.


I was talking to my mom the other day, wishing her happy birthday.

She’s traveling again so it took a while to get a hold of her but eventually I did and she was telling me how great her trip was and all I could think about was why don’t I ever get those great flight experiences, you know?

Listening to her reminded me of this flight I took to Ohio last year.


I’m at the terminal, waiting to board and this fucking douche is talking on his cell phone, LOUDLY.
This enormous black dude is just yelling on his cell phone.

He had to be from England or something because he sounded like he’s out of Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels and not only is he tall, but he’s fat as fuck.
A small mountain, if you can picture that.


Just enormous all around, which is making me laugh because everybody in Europe acts like they’re smart and in shape but this guy looked like –
You know that show, the spin off from Family Guy, The Cleveland Brown show?

He looks like his son.


He looks like Cleveland’s son except he’s tall and talked with an English accent.
But he had the fucking round glasses, the shirt that barely covered his belly button, the whole goddamn thing.

He was like Chicago fat except he’s European, so he still had to wear those tight fucking jeans.


I don’t know what it is about Europe and fucking suffocating your balls but Europeans… the jeans can not get any tighter.
They just cannot be fucking tight enough.

It’s like they have to frame their package.

Their goddamn units look like Han Solo’s face when he gets frozen in that little piece of fucking carbon or whatever the fuck it was from The Emperor Strikes Back.


Anyways, so he’s running his stupid yap, “Yeah mate, going over to Melbourne. After that going back over to fucking ..” who gives a fuck.
Just talking, talking, talking.

Terrifyingly annoying.

So I get up and walk away from the guy.
But he’s one of these guys who takes a little stroll while he yaps and he strolls into my area.

And I’m telling myself, calm down Dana, don’t start screaming and yelling, just put your headphones on and relax. 


They finally start loading the plane.

I get on the plane and here comes that fucking douche.
Still talking, right?

“Yeah yeah, good day mate, yeah yeah…”

So he comes walking up the aisle, he’s still running his fucking mouth and I’m sitting there going, shiiiiiiiittt!
I’m telling myself to be patient with him.


Be patient Dana, wait till he goes by. It’s done when he goes by.
You won’t have to listen to him for another 5, 4, 3……..

And the motherfucker is in my row.


He is in my goddamn row.

Somebody, for the love of god, what is the name of that phenomenon?


50 goddamn rows and not only is he sitting in my row but he’s sitting next to me.


And he stays on the phone the whole fucking time until we take off going, “yeah man yeah, watching telly..”
The whole goddamn time.

There’s gotta be some physics behind that, some kinda cosmic energy or some shit, right?


The one thing I will give him though is that he never said hello.
We didn’t speak the whole flight and I loved it.


I love that he was as self involved as I was and the last thing I wanted to do was start talking to him because he already annoyed the shit out of me.

And I know from experience that if I’m going to talk to someone from another country, at some point they’re going to shit on the United States and I don’t think I would have had the…the grace…. that a conversation like that with a guy like this would have required me to have.

They would have had to turn the goddamn flight around if he talked to me.


If anyone knows what that phenomena is called, I’d love to know.



Let’s get back on track here…

I think I mentioned to someone I was gonna do another ​​Valentines Day rant but I really don’t need to.
You already know what you need to do.


Go out on like the 17th, or the 19th, or even the 21st.
Don’t go out right before, go out after.
I say this every fucking year.

Just wait like two, three days after, when you can get a fucking reservation.
When you can go to the restaurant you want to go to and they haven’t jacked the prices up through the fucking roof.

Enjoy that day with some dignity.


Or here’s a good one –

Since women don’t really get their guys anything for Valentines Day, if there are any men reading this, I suggest you don’t get your wife shit either.

Just take her out to dinner and fucking leave it at that.

And if she starts going like, I thought you were going to get me something because it’s Valen –  just point out the she stands up for feminists which requires equal treatment and you already bought her dinner.















Asian Noodle Bowl


What I Used

¼ cup Peanut Butter (chunky or smooth). ¼ cup Water. 3 tbsp Sesame Oil. 2 tbsp Rice Vinegar. 2 Garlic Cloves (diced). 3 tbsp Sesame Seeds. 1 tbsp Fresh Ginger (finely minced).  1 tbsp Red Pepper Flakes. Salt. Pepper.
3 Chicken Breasts Fillets. 2 small handfuls Pasta Noodles (I used quinoa noodles but you can use any kind you want). 2 small Yellow Peppers. 2 Small Red Peppers. 1 small Habenero Pepper. 1 small handful Basil Leaves. 1 large handful Cilantro Leaves.

What I Did

Make the sauce by combining together the peanut butter, water, sesame oil, rice vinegar, garlic and ginger in a blender.
Blend until smooth.
Sprinkle in the red pepper flakes and sesame seeds and adjust seasoning salt & pepper.
Set aside.


Cook the noodles according to the package.
I like to add a little oil in the water to help keep the noodles from sticking together when done.

Drain and set aside.


Prep the veggies by finely dicing them or mincing them in a food processor.
You want them to be as tiny as possible.

Put them in a large bowl and set aside.


Rinse and pat-dry the chicken and season both sides with salt & pepper.
Heat some olive oil in a large pan and add the chicken.
Saute each side until its lightly golden, then add in a third of the peanut sauce and 1/3 cup of water in the skillet with the chicken.
Reduce the flame to medium and cover.

Cook for another 10 mins or until most of the liquid is absorbed.

Remove from heat and set aside to cool for a couple mins.
When the chicken is warm to touch, use a fork and shred it.


Add the noodles to the bowl of diced veggies and pour in the remainder of the peanut sauce.
Give things a good toss then add in the shredded chicken and a few more sprinkles of the sesame seeds.

Give it another good toss and serve.
This makes about 6 helpings and can be served warm or cold.


78 thoughts on “Asian Noodle Bowl

  1. Hahaha you really painted a picture of the guy on the flight! That was so funny. I wish I knew the name of that phenomenon. It’s a real thing though! It’s the loudest guy on the plane, and for some reason he has to call like 10 people and tell them he’s getting on the plane. How about send everybody an email and shut up! Nice noodle bowl. Have a great week.

  2. Yes, the big obnocious ones are always tossed into your bag of tricks. It must be a test of some kind… Seriously though, this looks amazing. I pinned for later consumption!
    Have a good week my dear!

  3. I love this! Looks so good! 😄

    And I would also love to know how I attract the loud ones too. Always when I am in the quiet car of the train during my commute to work I am stuck next to the idiot talking loudly! All the time!

  4. Haha loved the story about the guy on the phone!!! I always wish I’d said something, and then I’m always kind of happy I didn’t, and just sat quietly in a corner raging. Your Asian noodles sound delicious, that dressing has a few of the exact same ingredients my upcoming recipe has, but fortunately the rest is different, so you won’t think I stole it from you 😉 I love the sound of this, and the pictures are gorgeous!

  5. This was an amazing, epic rant. Thanks for making my Monday morning a little brighter. Those noodles look good, too, might have to try them… I’ll have to give the term for “obnoxious loud cell phone guy in airport” some thought and respond later, but related, we also need a term for silently playing the game of being on a plane before it takes off, and looking with dread at all the people walking down the aisle wondering who has the seat next to you. My rankings for best to worst seatmate:

    1) An empty seat
    2) A person not larger than average with good hygiene who stays quiet throughout the flight
    3) A chatty person
    4) A large chatty person
    5) A large chatty person with poor hygiene (HEEELLLLPPP!)

    The one rare case when this did not apply: Once I was on a plane from Dallas to Los Angeles playing this people watching game, hoping for an empty seat. Scanning the people thinking “you’d be okay I guess…. oh please, no… oh PLEASE no!!…. meh… okay I guess… hey, I recognize that tall guy… that’s Darryl Strawberry! C’mon, let Darryl Strawberry have the seat next to me…”

    Lo and behold, who sits next to me? Darryl Strawberry. True story.

      Comment of the day right here, hahahaha!!
      How the hell did you get seated next to him!!?

      First class?
      First class.

      Yeah – we most certainly need a term for that time period. When you’re seated and you’re ‘trying’ to casually watch the line the in aisle. It’s like purgatory really.
      I think we should go further and add a few more to that lineup.

      – the old lady with HEAVY PERFUME
      – the old lady with HEAVY PERFUME who wants to share all the pictures in her wallet with you
      – the guy that breathes so heavy you can feel it on your goddamn NECK
      – the guy (or gal) who makes THE MOST FUSS and takes FOREVEEEERRR to get her carry-on stowed.

      I can’t go on….. I don’t want to.

      1. Oh, you are 100% correct about the taking forever to store the carry-on bag. Great call. Those people should be called the Human Tarmac Delay.

        And, shockingly, Darryl was sitting in coach on this day. Though it was in an exit row. So, coach-plus I guess. I’m still not entirely sure this really happened, except that it did 100% really happen.

  6. Okay, your pre-recipe rant had me near tears. All of it was SO TRUE, from the rude airline passengers to the Valentines Day rant. 🙂

  7. lmao! this story was so hilarious!

    the same thing happens to me all the time. i don’t talk that much, but people always wanna walk up to me and talk to me. ALWAYS the annoying people too. like is there a sign on my head that says “please come talk to me if you know for sure that you’re an annoying person”?

  8. What a dickhead. I think that’s the actual, technical term for such behavior. Happy Valentine’s Day and thanks for the advice! I think I’ll be doing my day drinking on the 17th to avoid the crowds and the creeps.

    Now quit trying to make me give up my vegetarian lifestyle with all of your fancy, good looking foods! lol

    1. I knooowwww right?
      This really is some good looking food tho, lol

      The nerve of that dude though.
      To look the way he looked and act like that, it’s like – it was almost like someone was setting me up.

  9. Love it when you get your rant on. The Hans Solo unit line was snortworthy. Hearing you on V-Day, people, avoid the restaurants on the day and cook something…there’s an idea, or don’t! One day of love, what about the rest of the hard slog ….(cynical eye roll). I was just drafting my ‘non-Valentines day post with a little bit of Valentine’s Day’ and thinking similarly. Fab photos Cake and they look uber tasty, love me some satay sauce.

  10. Omg, you’ve always got the funniest stories. I always look forward to reading your post because I know you’re going to make laugh and then serve up something yummy!
    Speaking of which this looks delicious and it has one of my favorites things, PEANUT BUTTER!! Which I love and eat way too much of it. Lol!!
    Have a great week babe!! 😘😘

    xo, Jackie

      1. Hahahahaha!
        I’m picturing you in the kitchen with the lights off and you’re in front of the fridge sitting on the kitchen floor with peanut butter all over your fingers and cheeks.

  11. I was on a flight yesterday & this dude complained about not having enough leg room in the EMERGENCY AISLE. Bro, you literally have the best seat in the house & are about to fly through space, yet you are STILL A JERK. Traveling is the best. Lawlz. So are these noodles. Delish!

  12. OR just stay at home and make some Asian Noodle Bowls for
    (I sat next to one of those fellows on my way home from Hawaii…it was a nightmare!)

  13. So, on my way back from Oregon, where pot is legal, we got sooooo high just before getting dropped off at the airport. Side note, the dispensaries there are amazeballs with super knowledgable staff and a shopping extravaganza like I never imagined. You go in, show an ID & get to shop around for the kind of high you want. Nothing is laced. Just epic I tell you. I wanted to laugh, Obama kush was the answer to that question I didn’t even remember asking.

    Nonetheless, the lines were long, people were annoying as fuck, I had a similar sound-space rapist that was super obnoxious… And I didn’t give a fuck about any of it! I was laughing at the torture on other peoples faces, sorry if you fall into that category, I was just in my own well fed, happy world…

    BUT, the asian noodles. Oodles of noodles. Love it, well done m’lady.

    1. OBAMA KUSH!!???!!!
      Damn bitch, did you at least bring a cookie back?? I’m supposed to be one of your besties, what kind of treatment is that!?

      The whole comment cracked me up because I can picture every instance of it and yes – being high while dealing with bullshit, ESPECIALLY while traveling – is glorious.
      ❤ ❤ ❤

  14. Believe it or not, I usually say something to the aloud talking AH’s like, “no one really cares!” Hope you took the armrest!
    Your noodle dish looks delicious! I bet it didn’t last long.

  15. Well smack my ass and call me Polly, this recipe was made for me: got so many of my fav ingredients- soya sauce, seseame, peanut butter, red peppers, noodles, chicken- YAAAASSSS!! as for your flight experience, I’ve been doing long distance travelling for over 20 yrs and never sat down to someone even half decent, I did sit next to my first heffa last year, but she was really sweet and somehow managed to keep her lard to herself and didnt get up much to use the loo…I love how I can be so politcally incorrect with you, haha! ( :

  16. Mental note – do not read this blog with a mouthful of tea! Shall now need to clean up the spray!
    Absolutely hilarious about the flight! It made me recall a particularly disgusting woman sitting behind us once! My toddler was on the window with me beside her & this wretched hag took off her shoes & put her foot up alongside my daughter so that all we could see, and smell, were her toes!!!! WTF?!?!?!
    Love your photography & recipe! Thankyou so very much for stopping by a newbies blog xxx

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