You know a few weeks ago, someone was asking me, they wanted to break up with someone and they were asking me how to do it.
Now there are a couple class act ways to go about this but if you don’t have time for all that, just listen to LL Cool Js, Big Ol Butt.
I don’t know why I never really listened to this song but I heard it recently, I was listening to LL Cool J and it rolled up on the side as a suggested song I play next and I listened to it and it is literally the perfect break up song.
He basically teaches you how to break up with a girl in that track.
He breaks it down in like, 11 seconds.
He just sits his girl down.
Wait, let me back up.
He’s hanging out in some sunglass shop, Sunglass Hut or some shit like that, and this girl walks in with just an enormous butt.
Bigger than mine, I’m talking insane.
And he does what every guy does.
He stares at it and thinks, I wanna fuck that but oh shit, I have a girlfriend.
So what does he do?
Does he sneak around on her??
He goes home, he sits her down and says listen,
I met this girl named Tina, ok?
Tina’s got a big ol butt.
I know I said that I’ll be true, but Tina got a big ol’ butt, so I’m leaving you.
I’m really butchering this song but that’s basically what he said.
And I mean, that’s just fucking air tight, you can’t fuck with that.
He was 100% honest.
I don’t even know if she can get mad…
I think women expect guys to just be such lying pieces of shit that if you actually hit them with that level of honesty, I think they would just be stunned.
Just like the chick in the video.
Like I don’t think that was bad acting.
I think if you came home and just said listen, I met this girl, I know that I said that I’d be faithful to you but she’s better looking so I’m breaking up with you….I mean, what is the comeback?
That would be like if your chick came home and said listen, I know we’re together but this guy, I met him at the mall, his dick is twice the size of yours and he has a better car than you so I’m leaving you.
What are you gonna do??
You guys already discussed the importance of honesty early on in the relationship, so I mean….?
Look all I’m saying, is that it’s the middle of March – so how about you use the rest of the month to get out of whatever relationship you’re in that you don’t wanna be in.
Do you really wanna be in this relationship that you’re in, in the beginning of April?
Why don’t you celebrate the end of March by getting out of this fucking relationship.
Just go with LL Cool J vibe.
Hold her hand or his hand, and go with straight honesty.
And what are they really gonna do?
Sure they’re gonna flip the fuck out, of course they are, but the dye has already been cast.
The ship has set sail, the ball is already rolling, the sun is setting, the rain is falling, whatever the fuck you wanna call it – it’s out there.
They’re gonna scream and yell but I mean really, how long can someone yell before they lose their voice, right?
An hour and a half?
Just say to yourself, in a 90 mins, I’m gonna be in the car, listening to LL Cool J, driving away from that thing I didn’t wanna be in.
And I know I talk a lot of shit but I think a lot of people are in situations like this.
They don’t know how to sit somebody down and just say, so I’m leaving you.
Get that twinkle back in your eye, get out of it.,
Oysters & Caviar
What I Used
2 Dozen Oysters. Salmon Roe (caviar).
Dressing # 1: 1/2 cup Seasoned Rice Vinegar. 1 large Shallot (minced). 2 tbsp Fresh Cilantro (diced). Salt. Pepper.
Dressing #2: 2 tsp Shallots (minced). 2 tsbp Champagne Vinegar. 1 tbsp Seasoned Rice Vinegar. Fresh Cracked Pepper. Lemon (garnish).
What I Did
Just for the record, if I post something like oysters, something that basically requires no real work – that’s essentially either me saying I was too lazy to come up with something decent or I was feeling uninspired.
It was the latter in this case but that’s why oysters are the shiiiiiiiiiit.
Serve on ice and with each dressing.
This is what happens when you have people over and can’t think of shit to cook.
You shuck some damn oysters and watch everyone shut the fuck up.
Because the caviar is already so salty, you really don’t need the dressing.
By the way, this break up thing? It works for friendships too.