Tinfoil Salmon

Let’s talk about something in the news, shall we?

S. Africa.
“Texas student attacked by chimps improves.”


Thank god he improves.
This poor fucking bastard, he’s an animal ranger and he loves animals.


This is the thing about animal lovers;
Once you get past a certain type of domestic animal and you get into the wild….it doesn’t matter how much you love them, they’re not gonna love you back.


Wild animals are like that dick you shouldn’t have gone out with when you were younger.
That person who just an asshole to you, that person who took you for granted, basically didn’t have your back.

Wild animals do not have your back.

Your dog has your back.
Your cat – borderline.


Cats kinda have that creepy kind of vibe that if shit went left they’d side with the intruder, you know what I mean?

They don’t have any fucking say, they’re like a stepford wife.


Alright, so this student from Texas, this poor bastard WAS on the other side of the cage, the human side, he just got too close.
That’s how fucking insane a wild animal is.

Chimpanzees they say, have the strength of 6 men.
This dude got attacked by 2 chimps.

That would be like getting attacked by a flash mob.
12 men.


These chimps fucking grabbed this motherfucker by his ankles, they reached underneath the fence –

I don’t know what kind of bullshit cage they had them in but this guy’s on the other side of the cage, the people side of the cage, probably trying to teach them sign language or some shit like that and you know they’re just sitting on the other side going, two more inches, just two more inches…



And they reached underneath, grabbed him by his fucking ankles….strength of 12 men….. they pulled him right underneath that goddamn thing.

They dragged him for like another 2 kilometers, however fucking far that is, I don’t know.
In my world, what’s that like….a mile and quarter? Who gives a fuck.


They dragged this sonofabitch basically through the length of every football stadium in the NFL and I can guarantee if wasn’t the nice turf that these athletes play on.

This was natural habitat.

Like imagine the vice grip strength….


Those fucking things… man they’ll rip your foot off, they’ll rip your balls off, they’ll rip your face off.
They’ll rip it off like you open a goddamn cup of yoghurt.

They’ll do that to your face, what the FUCK are you doing near these goddamn things??


Jesus Christ, I would have two tranquilizer guns and I would be wearing one of those suits you wear, you know the chain-link ones you wear like when you’re gonna get bitten by a shark?


And not only that, these weren’t regular chimps, the ones swinging around eating bananas, occasionally eating another monkey alive – this wasn’t that shit.
These were ones that had been abused.

They were already fucked with.


I adopted an abused cat in the past and having to put up with the schizophrenic shit that thing put me through – like I can’t fucking imagine…

TWO chimps.

Strength of 12 goddamn men and you’re gonna walk near the cage, trying to sign, “hey, how about this weather, Frank?”
Or whatever goddamn human name you gave him.

You’re out of your fucking mind.


But I mean god bless him.
Your hearts in the right place.

Fortunately he didn’t have too great of damage to him inner organs but this dude was in so much fucking shock…

Just treating you like a fucking ragdoll….I swear that is the most horrifying shit, nature.


Dude if you were in a room with a chimp and that thing goes ape shit, no pun intended, I mean that thing is on the wall, the ceiling, it’s across the room, it’s like a comet.

And you’re sitting there dealing with human speed.


Geeeeeet the fuck out of here.












Tinfoil Salmon

What I Used

1 or 2 Salmon Fillets. 1 large Handful Asparagus. 5 or 6 Cherry Tomatoes (halved). 1 large Handful Bok Choy. 1 Lemon. 1 small Red Onion. Salt. Pepper. Olive Oil.

What I Did

This is like the absolute perfect spring lunch.
It’s light, no dishes to wash, it’s healthy as fuck and it’s prettttty 😀

It’s a no brainer – get with the program.


Preheat the oven to 375F.

Rinse and pat-dry the salmon fillets.

Tear off a wide strip of tinfoil.
Chop the white bulbs off the bok choy and place on the tin foil.

Lay the salmon on top of the bok choy.
1 salmon fillet to each strip of tinfoil.

Season the salmon with salt, pepper and a light drizzle of olive oil.


Finely slice the onion and lemon.
Chop the tips off the asparagus and halve the cherry tomatoes.

Place the onions, asparagus, tomatoes over and around the salmon.
http://ivegotcake.com http://ivegotcake.com
Top with the lemon slices.

Bring the edges of the tinfoil together covering the salmon and place on a baking sheet.
Bake at 375F for 15 min or until the salmon is cooked through.


Serve on its own or with a side of rice.

You can probably tell this recipe is one from the archives from the picture quality but whatever.
It is what it is.

Sometimes you gotta party first, cook later.

The point is you gotta ALWAYS have something in the archives.
http://ivegotcake.com http://ivegotcake.com


77 thoughts on “Tinfoil Salmon

  1. Like, it’s gotta be the human’s fault, right? He was probably taunting them with a nanner or something. No sympathy – be like the rest of us & just don’t go near wild animals…………?

  2. “Your cat – borderline” hahahaha so true. Wow what a horrific story, I’m glad you say the guy is basically OK (physically anyway). You’re right, what kind of enclosure did they have those chimps in that there was enough space to drag a man under the fence?? Nice recipe! I made salmon last night for dinner, but it was no where near this pretty.

  3. Holy shit, I didn’t hear about that! I’m about to look into that now. I couldn’t agree with you more when it comes to cats! They are the worst… Salmon looks delicious by the way!

  4. Seriously–I don’t get the people who have those “sanctuaries” where you can go and feed a tiger cub because HELLO, THAT IS NOT A NORMAL CAT. And ever since that chimp ripped the face off of that lady in Stamford a few years ago I’ve been very wary of them because holy hell, they are smart AND strong.

    This looks great, and I have to say that if you’re doing a lot of pouch cooking, you should check out these silicone pouches because you can do a lot with them (microwave, oven, etc.) and they’re reusable: http://www.amazon.com/Lekue-Steam-Case-Person-Clear/dp/B003OW6H0S

    1. Oh word, good looking out babe, I just ordered one of those pouches, thank you for the tip!

      And yes exactly – STOP fucking with animals people. Just leave ’em alone, I don’t get it.

  5. I don’t have any words, you are craaaaaaazy! I am cracking up, screaming laughing, I adore you.

    But – I like this tinfoil salmon idea, I’ve been on a broiling kick with Salmon as of late and this is a nice variation that I’ll think to incorporate.

  6. Not surprised the guy got attacked, sometimes, animal lovers take things too far. I saw one the other day in the midst of Lions, I know in my mind he won’t last too long before they attack him.

    Dana, this plate looks so good. Really nice.
    Take care.


  7. So I looked up that story, right? Apparently, the chimps dragged this guy under TWO fences, and the second fence was electrified. All because he was basically in their territory. Shit.

    Love how you went directly into the salmon recipe like you weren’t just talking about murderous wild animals, lol.

    1. LOL, I’m a big dreamer.
      Like I dream in so much detail you could make a movie out of it.
      I can you tell you what things smelled like, how calm the wind was, small background sounds, breathing variations…all in great details when I describe my dreams.
      So of course I have at least 4 a night… ugh

  8. I laughed more at this horrendous story re-telling than I probably should have. That’s because it’s true. Those eejits who say ‘I don’t know why my hand-reared tame tiger mauled half of my face off, we used to be so close.’ Seriously dudes? I love me some salmon and cooked en papillote? Nice one Cake. I think I have been doing too much ‘party first and cook latering’. Hence, very little in my archive. If anything at all.

    1. Hahaha!
      It always goes back to them recounting how close they were beforehand, doesn’t it?

      And I hear you about the partying….summers coming, I think I need an assistant 😛

  9. Ok this looks BOMB. I don’t do animals so I won’t go there, but holy salmon that ish looks amazing! I need to search around and see if you have a glazed salmon recipe also.. That sounds good right now

  10. Wild animals are known as ‘wild’ animals for a reason. People need to respect them, and in that realize that they are wild, they do kill. A lot of accidents/deaths happen because the human, takes advantage, tries to be clever and so forth. It all is crazy! Anyway I loved your news report and had to crack up even though it was a sad story.
    Flip, Dana, are you sure you are not a chef? a professional food photographer? Your pics are always outstanding, your meals are ‘to die for’ and I would ‘kill’ for that salmon right now…Have a good one ❤

    1. You nailed it, Lynne!
      It’s because as humans we just don’t respect animals. Hell we can’t even manage to respect other humans.

      Pun noted, by the way.
      Very good madam, very good indeed 😀

  11. If you love WILD animals, you don’t go to a zoo and admire how tortured they are there. And the salmon… you just gave me a great idea for tonight’s dinner! By the way, did you throw away all that’s left from that asparagus? :O

  12. My cats would totally side with an intruder – they have absolutely no loyalty whatsoever. They would probably help any intruder find all the important things in the house such as spare bags of cat food and the stash of rabbit heads that must be behind one of my book piles because we have had a lot of headless rabbits round here recently and the heads MUST be somewhere.

    Salmon looks delicious by the way 🙂

      1. I think it’s just a few inches and they are predicting rain afterward so hopefully it’s the last of the snow this year. I’m soooooo ready for open toe shoes!

  13. OMG – that poor guy and his family! But seriously people, wild animals are wild for a reason. Not meant to kept caged in. By the way LMAO with ‘ Your cats – borderline ‘, so true! My dogs would be all over them and wouldn’t think twice about it.
    Love the tinfoil salmon ideal, its quick, easy and delicious! Do you use non-stick tinfoil?

    xo, Jackie

    1. Actually no, I don’t use non-stick tinfoil, lol
      I almost forgot they made those, hahahha!!

      But I mean, in this case, you could spray down the tin foil beforehand although it came out great without spray.

      I swear the amount of kitchen shit I DON’T need but I WANT…..

  14. I wish this post would have come up while I was on vacation. My brother made salmon and, yeah, it was good BUT it was ugly. I’m talking ugliness that five Instagram filters couldn’t fix. In the grand scheme of eating I guess I’m a snob. I want my food tasty AND pretty.

    Oh, and that duder. Poor animal lover. I hope he wasn’t a vegetarian. If he was, I bet he’s converted to animal meat now… -_-

  15. If I waited for Spring to, um, spring to make this, I’d be waiting til July at this rate. We still have snow.
    Fuck it. I’m making it now, even if the asparagus will be more expensive than the avocados. 👍🏻

  16. What a fucking funny story ! WHAAAT ? 🙂 i haven’t had salmon in years …. you make me want to but the salmon here (not wild) is so trafficked up that it’s scary ! ha ha … not ha ha !

  17. The colors of this dish pops out of the screen. Stunning. As for the story… that’s a nightmare right there. I don’t even like monkeys (that includes chimps, gorillas, orangutans and the like) in the first place.

  18. Archives or not, that looks yummy! 👏👏
    And that story about the boy, OMG!! Can’t belive that actually happened! Glad he’s better but I’d be done with animals after that

  19. Yeah, it was the guy’s fault, like you do nooot go near a wild animal in the first place but since he is an animal lover and they tend to think they’re gonna act like friendly puppies they don’t think what might go wrong. Damn, your salmon looks sooo delicious. Before I was hungry but seeing the pictures got me starving for some salmon! I might just eat it for my birthday or get buffalo wings, or both. As always, your food looks and I’m sure tastes delicious!

    1. Mhmm.
      In their heads they’re probably going, “I take care of animals, this one knows that, he wouldn’t dare hurt MEEEE!”
      And then what happens?


      Thank you so much for such a kind compliment, this salmon hit the fucking spot!

  20. Your presentation is impeccable – I must go back and indulge in the verbose story it was surrounded by but initially I came for the beautiful food photography and description 😩

Go on, get it out..

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