You know those people who you say hello to and they don’t say hello back?
They just smile and it’s a fake smile?
One of those people??
There was somebody at my old company who used to do that and I fell for it like the first 67 times.
I’d be walking down the hall and this lady would be walking the other way.
Never any particular time but whenever I would pass this lady in the hall, I would just be like, “hey good morning” or “hey how’s it going?”, whatever the fuck you say right?
Just being polite.
And she would always do the same thing.
She would tilt her head to the side like she was going awwww, and she’d do this smile but she wouldn’t show any teeth, like the Jay Leno smile?
And then her eyes would squint up like she was looking into the sun.
She’d do that every time.
This big stupid fake smile and I’d just be like grrrrrrrr!
She would always catch me with the fake smile and I would always fall for it and then finally one day, she was walking towards me and I was walking towards her….
And she actually started to anticipate me saying hello.
But I’m in my head going, Nahhh bitch, not today, you not gonna play me today…
So she’s walking towards me like usual and it got right to the point where it’s like who’s going to blink first… you know? And I timed it perfectly.
She anticipated me saying hello and started to tilt her head like usual and this time I fucking did my impression of what she did instead of saying hello.
And of course I did it over the top.
Like I literally laid my head on my shoulder and squinted my eyes like I was trying to see a needle point. I did that and made this ridiculous face as I passed by her and um –
She never looked at me in the hallway again.
And the genius of it all is that it’s not like she even knows what she fucking looks like.
I’m so self-involved I totally assumed she knew what point I was trying to make, you know?
Like say hellooo, stop making that stupid face!!?!
But instead she probably looked at me like what the fuck is up with this girl, does she have some sort of mental tick? I don’t want her around me again.
But I don’t give a fuck what that lay-deeeee thinks.
Giving her shit for her phony ass smile made me feel better and um, that’s what this blog is all about, people.
Chicken Noodle Bowl
What I Used
Leftover Chicken. 1 Egg. 1 small Handful Scallions. 3 cups Fresh Kale Leaves. 2 cups Chicken Broth (low sodium). 1 small handful Noodles (I used whole wheat). 2 large handfuls Shitake Mushrooms. 1 small handful Cilantro. Olive Oil. Salt. Pepper. Crushed Red Pepper.
What I Did
This is a pretty fun way to use up any leftover meat you have, transform those dry ass chicken breasts into something edible but more importantly, healthy.
It’s about to be summer 2016 over here, I’m not playing games.
First thing I did was make a peanut sauce from this Asian Noodle Bowl recipe.
The only thing I did different was adding a healthy dose of Sriracha Sauce in the mix but everything else is from that link above.
So make the sauce first and set it aside.
Next, cook the noodles according to their instructions.
Cook the kale by heating 3 tbsp olive oil in a large sauce pan and adding the kale leaves.
When the leaves have wilted, add in the chicken broth.
Season with salt, pepper and crushed red pepper.
Reduce heat to med-low and cover.
Simmer for 5 mins or until the thickest stalk can be easily punctured with a fork.
Pour the kale into a strainer to drain any excess liquid and set aside.
Next, cut the stems from the shitake mushrooms and discard.
Slice the mushroom caps horizontally and saute in 2 tbsp olive oil until tender.
Boil the egg and when warm to touch, peel and halve.
Roughly chop the cilantro.
Reheat your leftover meat.