I’m a big fan of buying people something that they wear.

 

One of my friends was telling me the other day about how much he and his girlfriend have been fighting lately over small stuff, little things.

Out of the blue, little things that used to slide, now spawn a big ass fight.
Right.

 

Just out of nowhere, yall went from la-de-da-de-daaaaaaaa to UFC 199: The Terminator.

And I know that’s none of my business, but like I was saying, that’s why I’m a fan of buying people gifts that they could actually wear.

 

Because the more shit you buy them that they wear…clothes, necklace jewerly, whatever the fuck – the more shit you buy, the bigger the chance they’re to be wearing it the next time they’re bitching about something.

Then all you do is you just put your eyebrows up and as she’s meh meh meh meh meh, you just point to whatever you bought her.

Stops them right in their tracks.

 

What is that on your wrist again?

What?

You got something on your wrist there, what is that?

And she looks down like, did I get something on my sleeve?
What’s wrong with my sleev –

No no no, right there on your wrist.

And then they look down and realize what you’re doing and they go, aww fuck you! and then you laugh and it’s over.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tomato Flatbread Pizza

 

What I Used

2 Naan Flatbreads (any kind). 1 Large Tomato and 5-6 assorted smaller Tomatoes (rinsed and thinly sliced). 2 cups Coconut Cream. 1 – 2 tsp Cornstarch. 1 cup Ricotta Cheese (optional- sub in place of coconut milk & cornstarch).

What I Did

Right so because I’m lactose intolerant (aka miserable all the time), I made a simple white sauce by thickening coconut cream however if dairy is not a problem for you, ricotta cheese is what you want here.

 

Preheat your oven to 450F.

Lay the flatbreads on a flat surface and spread an even amount of ricotta cheese on it.
Alternatively, you can improvise a white sauce by heating 2 cups coconut cream under medium heat and gently shaking in 1 – 2 tsp cornstarch.

Use a whisk to mix to avoid an overly lumpy texture.
Shake in more cornstarch as needed until you reach a thickness you’re satisfied with, just bear in mind it thickens a little more when it cools.

 

Lay the flatbreads on a baking tray lined with parchment and spread the ricotta or coconut sauce on top.
http://ivegotcake.com
Shake a light sprinkling of salt and pepper over the sauce or ricotta and lay the tomatoes slices neatly on top, trying not to overlap.

Place the flatbread in the broiler for about 10 mins or until the crust edges turn golden brown.
Remove from oven and set aside to rest for a couple mins.

 

Slice using a pizza cutter or a very sharp knife.
easy_vegetarian_flatbread_options
As simple as this is, it is really, really good, so make enough to share.
breakfast_pizza_ideaseasy_vegetarin_homemade_pizza3 ingredient pizza recipes

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85 Comments

      2. Hahaha, I guess then the fight is really on at that point.
        But chances are if you’re fighting about something small, you should be able to laugh it off – eventually – however you do it.
        Or else yall got some REAL ass problems, you feel me?

      3. You best believe it is! Lol

        That’s very true, Dana. Hopefully none of us experience REAL ass problems because those we can laugh off are far more manageable.

  7. Every year, my father-in-law gives me some casual shirts for Christmas. And, every year, he explains the choices by saying, “I picked this because it looks like what the guys on ESPN wear. Those guys on ESPN, they know what they’re doing!”

    I think this is pretty much the most father-in-law thing ever. And it’s only sort-of-related to what you’re saying above, but as you know, that’s what I do. I do tangents. But I know what I’m doing. And so do those guys on ESPN.

    By the way, the shirts he gives me aren’t bad. I do wear them.

    Reply

    1. And if anyone ever questions your tangents just point to your shirt (better be wearing the ESPN one), put your tongue in your left cheek and let your mouth hang open a little bit like – are you kidding me or what right now?

      Reply

  17. Haha…I am still laughing…I love your thought pattern…You are a hoot !

    Hey, good one on the white sauce, I must try that, as I have lactose intolerance as well, but often just do the dairy in moderation and ultimately battle there after…haha but that is how it goes.

    Reply

  18. Oh yum. I can’t tell you how much I long for tomatoes right now. But I don’t think there will be any until the end of july, but I can wait, no really I can …,…

    Reply

  19. I’M BAAAACCCCCKKK!!

    And now for the multitude of comments I have missed making!

    I absolutely love the idea of buying people things they can wear – I do it too but never thought to point it out to them when they’re talking their BS. Thanks for the tip girl haha. Loving the flatbread pizzas too. The use of different coloured (colored to you) tomatoes really adds interest to the dish. Why are you so talented though??

    Reply

      1. Do-er’s are far more useful than thinkers!
        And it felt hella weird typing that! You guys spell jewellery weird too -_- Double L!

  22. Hahaha wait this is why my boyfriend should buy me more wearable items. I have actually told him point blank that he needs to laugh at me when I get upset about things otherwise we aren’t ever going to work. After 4 years you just start to get cranky man. The other day we were trying to figure out a date for our families to have dinner together and he kept asking over text/email instead of calling and I FLIPPED OUT. I think I used the words “too millennial retarded to pick up a damn phone.” He laughed, I laughed, we ate chicken for dinner. C’est la vie.

    Danika Maia
    LATEST BLOG FROM MILAN

    Reply

  23. Yay! A pizza that I can eat too! Like you, I’m lactose intolerant and sometimes I’ll cave and eat cheese ( mostly goat cheese). Doesn’t it suck, it’s like the constant battle with yourself whether this dish worth getting sick over.lol

    xo, jackie
    stylemydreams.com

    Reply

  28. Dear YOU, sorry i haven’t had time to check out your fab shit and stories… been busy tempting devils and fighting off demons but i’m back now !!! gotta re-make some flatbread soon and have some good honest food like that ! xo

    Reply

      1. Oh I definitely will … and did ! I just made a scallion, herby ricotta goat cheese number for a second time, to retest it … when you’e got a bit of extra time, go check out my last post on fish&chips (for which I’m getting too muck “flack”) because it mentions my cooking contest experience with a big group and its PR company and other disgruntled folks who really really need me to “back off” … them’s the breaks” or is it “brakes” ? 😉

  31. I like the coconut cream idea. And also I apologize on behalf of all dieties that you can not metabolize the wonderful gift of dairy. But at least there’s no dairy in wine, right? Silver lining

    Reply

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