We had our first snow last week and I dipped out the house ahead of it to pick up some things from the store because the first snow of the season deserves clam chowder.

Now, if you’re not from New England, I don’t expect you to understand what I just said and I’d love to explain it to you but I digress…

Besides, I wanna talk about something else.

 

 

I was watching that movie The Orphan while I was typing up this post, remember that movie?

The horror movie with the little girl who gets adopted and goes goes out of her way to harm every member of the family that adopted her for no reason at all, you know the one??

 

It came out awhile ago so I can understand if you don’t remember it but if you haven’t seen it, it’s the one that’s got that really psycho looking 8 year old which one of those old person names…..Emma, Elvira, Agnes…..the fuck was her name?

Whatever. This 8 year old girl with an old persons name.

 

So this couple comes down and they want to adopt a child and they pick this girl with an old person’s name and first of all she dresses like she’s from the 1800s.

She’s got like a piece of thread around her throat and her wrists that she won’t take off and anytime someone tries to remove it she completely freaks out.

And this couple, their life is basically fine beforehand and then they get this kid and suddenly the house catches on fire, all this fucked up stuff starts happening.

Because apparently one of the requirements of old-school horror movies is that they have to have unbelievably stupid people in it.

 

 

So this girl who dresses like she’s from the 1800s, decides to light the couple’s son’s tree house on fire while he’s in it and he ends up hanging from the fucking trees, trying not to fall which he does and ends up in intensive care.

And the fucking wife is sitting there going, I think there’s something wrong with this 8 year old with an old lady’s name that dresses like she was around when they made beer in the bathtub.

Oh! And the kicker?
She has a Transylvanian accent.

 

” I vant to play the peeyano..”

 

Then she starts killing people, right?

People are disappearing right and fucking left and the couple’s sitting there going, I don’t know what’s happening I don’t know what’s going on, she’s being so weird!

 

So basically in the end you find out what’s wrong with the girl.
That she’s not 8 years old, she’s actually 33 and she has some sort of disease that makes her look like she’s 8 and she used to be an insane asylum because she murdered her entire family.

Yet she somehow escaped the insane asylum, left Europe, got herself in an orphanage with no passport no paperwork.…. got herself an orphanage in America AND she somehow went to a dentist who agreed to make her a full upper and a full lower denture of children’s teeth.

Which she pulls out in the end as you’re discovering she’s 33 years old.

 

And then this little fucking dwarf-middle-aged-psycho lady girl comes in and is somehow able to stab to death the father.

An adult.

This 4 foot lady girl is somehow able to stab to death a six foot three adult male.
I mean just a stupid ass fucking movie but it was GREAT!

 

I’ve never been absolutely terrified while laughing my ass off for 90 minutes and that….is the experience of The Orphan.

Compete with all the cheesy lines.

“Mommy save me!!”

And the mother is crawling away from her going, for the last time I’m not your fucking mother!!! and she kicks her in her 33 year old 8 year old chin and she goes back into the bottom of the pond and I guess that was supposed to be the applause break – which it would have got if it was still 1984.

 

 

Having said all that, it was still a good movie.

I just feel bad for the actor that had to play the father.

I’m just picturing him sitting there looking at the director in between takes going, soooo in this scene I’m a moron…?

 

And in the next scene I’m still a fucking moron who can’t put 1 and 1 together??

Everything was fine at my house and then we got the chick who sounds like she’s doing a Dracula impression and suddenly things start catching on fire and I still can’t put one and one together and guess that it’s Emma or Ezra or whatever the fuck her name is, am I reading this right??

That’s what my character is???

 

 

Whatever.

Check out this clam chowder I made and I must say, it taste even better the next day

 

Like I said, I’ve been waiting for the first real snowfall of the season to make clam chowder because chowder to me is snow food.

Kinda like how you wanna order chinese food when you’re snowed in, you know what I mean?

 

This is like that except you won’t feel like a tub of shit afterwards.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ESTER!!!

That was her name!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

New England Clam Chowder

 

Stuff

32oz Frozen Clams. 1 dozen Fresh Clams. 3 Large Potatoes. 1 stick Celery. 1 Pack of Bacon. 1 Yellow Onion. 1/2 All -purpose Flour. 16oz Heavy Coconut Cream. 16oz Coconut Milk. 8oz Clam Juice. 1/4 cup White Wine. 1 Lime. Salt. Pepper. Crushed Red Pepper. 
Garnish: Diced Chives or Dill.

 

 

If you’re lactose intolerant like, you’ll really appreciate the versatility of the coconut cream, it is MARVELOUS.
If you’re not lactose intolerant, replace the coconut milk with regular milk and substitute the coconut cream with heavy cream.

 

 

 

Peel and chop the potatoes. Set aside.
Dice the onions and celery. Set aside.
Evenly divide the bacon strips and neatly dice one half.
http://ivegotcake.comCook the other half of the bacon until very crisp. Set aside.
Add the diced bacon to a large stock pot. When the ends start to curl, add in the diced onions and celery.

Saute over medium heat, stirring occasionally, until tender and the onions are translucent, about 10 minutes.

Next, pour in the white wine and cook uncovered, until it is reduced by half.
Then sprinkle in the flour and mix well.
http://ivegotcake.comhttp://ivegotcake.comThe flour will absorb all the liquid but don’t worry about it.

 

Add to the pot, the coconut milk, clam juice, coconut cream, potatoes and chopped clams. Sprinkle in salt, pepper and the crushed red pepper flakes.
http://ivegotcake.com http://ivegotcake.com How_to_make_new_england_clam_chowderMix well to incorporate.
Bring to a boil, reduce heat and simmer, covered, until the potatoes are tender, 10 to 15 mins.

 

When the potatoes can be easily pierced with a fork, add in the fresh clams and squeeze the lime juice in.
Adjust seasoning  salt and pepper.
http://ivegotcake.comIf it’s too liquidy, sprinkle in a tbsp of flour to thicken the chowder before you add in the fresh clams.

 

Bring to a boil, reduce heat and simmer for another 5 mins or until the clams open.
Discard any unopened clams.

 

 

Serve in a warm bowl with the minced the dill or chives sprinkled on top and the bacon torn into small bits over it all.

http://ivegotcake.com http://ivegotcake.com http://ivegotcake.comDon’t forget to toast up some bread when you’re ready to serve.
Toasted garlic bread is THEEEEE shit with this.
http://ivegotcake.com ivc_5382 30_min_dinner_ideas_clam_chowder white_clam_chowder_recipe easy_clam_chowder_recipesAlternatively instead of topping each bowl with the dill or chives, you can mix them in with the chowder and then just top each bowl with the torn bacon bits.

 

Of course I couldn’t resist opening up a few of these delicious clams and snacking on them when I was making this.
Sooooooo good.
Sa good.
http://ivegotcake.com wp-1484233323055.jpghttp://ivegotcake.com New_england_clam_chowder_recipe @jusbstill recipes http://ivegotcake.com


 

New England Clam Chowder

32oz Frozen Clams. 1 dozen Fresh Clams. 3 Large Potatoes. 1 stick Celery. 1 Pack of Bacon. 1 Yellow Onion. 1/2 All -purpose Flour. 16oz Heavy Coconut Cream. 16oz Coconut Milk. 8oz Clam Juice. 1/4 cup White Wine. 1 Lime. Salt. Pepper. Crushed Red Pepper.
Garnish: Diced Chives or Dill.

 

INSTRUCTIONS

1. Peel and chop the potatoes. Set aside. Dice the onions and celery. Set aside.
2. Evenly divide the bacon strips and neatly dice one half. Cook the other half of the bacon until very crisp. Set aside.

3. Add the diced bacon to a large stock pot and cook over med-high heat.
4. When the ends start to curl, add in the diced onions and celery.

5. Saute over medium heat, stirring occasionally until the celery is tender and the onions are translucent, about 10 minutes.

 

6. Next, pour in the white wine and cook uncovered, until the liquid is reduced by half. Then sprinkle in the flour and mix well.
The flour will absorb all the liquid but don’t worry about it.

7. Add to the pot; the coconut milk, clam juice, heavy coconut cream, potatoes and chopped clams.
8. Sprinkle in salt, pepper and the crushed red pepper flakes. Mix well to incorporate.
9. Bring to a boil, reduce heat and simmer, covered, until the potatoes are tender, 10 to 15 mins.

10. When the potatoes can be easily pierced with a fork, add in the fresh clams and squeeze the lime juice in. Adjust seasoning  salt and pepper.
If it’s too liquidy, sprinkle in a tbsp of flour to thicken the chowder before you add in the fresh clams.

11. Bring to a boil, reduce heat and simmer for another 5 mins or until the clams open. Discard any unopened clams.

12. Serve in a warm bowl with the minced the dill or chives sprinkled on top and the bacon torn into small bits over it all.
Alternatively instead of topping each bowl with the dill or chives, you can mix them in with the chowder and then just top each bowl with the torn bacon bits.
❀ ❀

73 Comments

  1. Sounds and looks amazing! I love how huge American clams are. I must admit “clam juice” sounds a bit funny to me, but why not? I bet it adds tons of flavor to an already flavorful soup.

      1. Nah, not that I’m aware of πŸ™ŠπŸ™ˆ

        Where can I get some really good clam chowder though?

  2. I wish we had snow all over Portugal so that I could have snow food! Dana, that looks amazing!! You always come up with amazing food πŸ˜€ Oh, by the way, iΒ΄ve seen that movie. Not a good movie!!!

  3. I laughed my ass off when I read : “I vant to play the peeyano”. Watched the movie a while ago, maybe i sould re-watch it! πŸ˜€
    And love your pictures!!! I never tried cream chovder. But i will! πŸ™‚ will adapt recepie to my need and will try it soon for shure!! πŸ™‚

  4. I am deceased at your movie recap. Curious why there wasn’t a sequel where Esther comes back from the dead and we learn she is a 33 year old that looks like an 8 year old that CAN’T DIE.

    Pls spoon feed me some chowda (does it annoy you when people refer to it this way LOL)

    1. No I’m used to it.
      I literally live in a city with the worst accents in America.
      What annoys me is when people who AREN’T from here try and test me by asking me to say, “I parked my car in Harvard Yard”

      The murderous thoughts I think. And say to them πŸ™‚

  5. Oh that looks so good. We don’t have snow, but we do have a tidal surge coming our way so is that bad enough weather (in a woosy east of England kind of way)? Seriously the clams look amazing – I might have just eaten them all raw and had to call it chowder! Not sure we get clams easily round here – shocking isn’t it? So I might use some smoked haddock or some such thing depending what’s in the freezer. I don’t eat enough chowder, thanks for reminding me how lovely it looks. That film sounds crazy …. might give it a miss – although my puppy Zephaniah reminds me of that little girl …..

  6. I swear I thought you were going to say that the reason why she had those things tied to her was because if they got untied her limbs/head would fall off in the vein of that one children’s scary story. Then again, that would likely not make for a compelling movie, right?

    This looks SO GOOD and would be perfect for a cold, snowy day (after all, you need those calories to shovel and trudge around in the snow later anyway!) and I think this is an excellent tradition to maintain.

    1. Hahahaha!! Oh god, can you imagine? Hmm. Now why DID she have those silly strings on her anyway? I wish I paid more attention but you know how it is.

      We ended up getting about 5 inches of snow which I cleared with 10 minutes of leg sweeps and my windshield duster thing. I’m lazy, I know but I just didn’t feel like shoveling.
      Like not at all.

      We just ate this chowder and binged on How to Get Away with Murder.

  7. I need me some chowder, like, now. It’s not the same here in the Midwest, where I never order it. I can’t order anything named after my home region when I am away from it. They just can’t get it right!

  8. Hey Dana-girl … this is definitely one of my favorite chowders in the galaxy … i used to have it all the time in Montreal but I don’t dare to make it here in Paris because of the price ! I’m really curious but how much do clams cost in your land ? Here there only available fresh (no frozen stuff nor clam juice) and cost about 20$ a kilogram or about 8,50$ a pound … are CLAMS pricey everywhere ? Anyways LUV-LUV-LUV your chowder !

    1. Eeeeekk!!
      That’s a lot!
      It’s like $3 a pound here. But that’s because I live on the coast. Seafood is in abundance, especially in New England cities like Boston and Portland and Gloucester.
      Lobster, clams, oysters, almost any kind of fish….all really, really affordable.
      Lucky me, right? Teeheehee!!

    1. Hahahahaha!!
      I was typing this post up and I was like, what the fuck am I watching??
      It was too unbelievably stupid I couldn’t help myself from writing about it.
      Cheers to the weekend my love ❀

  9. Dana, you are the absolute cootest, you know I dont do horror right? Fucks up my head too much. Still cant watch Choci, Gremlins, tried to watch Nightmare on Elm st Prt 1, despite the AWFUL special effects, I had to skip some parts and some parts I saw still eff up my head. The Orphan sounds like a horror movie I saw as a kid about a family who adopt a puppy from a dog seller on the road. Buuut Tan, Tan ,Taaaan! Its a horror killer dog, who can use its eyes to fuck up shit. Like in one scene, he traps one of the relatives by using its eyes to bang the kitchen door close then he uses his eyes to pick up all the knives in drawer and makes them fly and zoom straight into the person’s body. Nice. Anyhoo, have a lovely wkend, haha! ( ;

    1. HAHAHAHA!!! Don’t you find that more hilarious than scary though??
      Like…really??? A DOG….which psychic powers?? That’s hysterical LOL!
      Light a joint and watch a horror movie, you’ll have a great time, trust me lol
      Hope your weekend is off to a wonderful start too!!
      ❀ ❀

      1. You see when directors play on my worst nightmare, it scares me even though you know its not real- e.g. Freddy K- its a genius idea that someone cld kill you in your sleep coz you are at your most vulnerable, I am shit scared of dogs (not the Paris H ones), so some in real life look like voodoo killers so if a film plays on that I get scurred. I’ve never tried to watch one high before I think that would be even worse as I might get super paranoid, I’d rather light up and watch some 70s porn! ( :

  10. …and that, in a nutshell, is why I don’t watch horror films…the characters are just too darn stupid to see what’s coming to them…but what an awesomely delicious looking clam chowder you’ve got there! (go skiing!!)

    1. I think you’re onto something….skiing.
      Still trying to rally the troops though, they see snow as an opportunity to travel away not ski. Hard to blame them given Mexico City’s on the list πŸ˜€

      1. I went skiing this week and it was wonderful….a bit cold but hey isn’t that what it’s all about!? But I agree – warm weather is also on the horizon – a trip down south will do the body good!! πŸ™‚

  11. I had to scroll through this post, I’m not much of a horror film lover. In fact, I simply cannot watch or read horror stories. My mind is too imaginative, I wouldn’t be able to forget it!
    The dish looks awesome, perfect for a cold snowy day. All our snow has melted but I’m sure we’re in for more, it’s only January!

    1. Hahahah awww!!
      I didn’t mean to scare you, you remind me of my best friend who’s equally scared like…all the time.
      But he loves Halloween. Explain that lol!

      Our snow has melted here too, yaayyyy!!

  12. I don’t know what’s going on in this blog post for the most part, but I’m pretty sure they made the wrong movie. The adult woman with the mysterious reverse aging disease escaping the insane asylum in eastern Europe, stowing away and making it to America without paperwork, befriending some king of nutcase dentist (like what kind of crazy shit did she have on this guy?) getting a total new set of teeth (not cheap even if you’re going the legit route) and never letting on about any of this as she infiltrates the American social care system? To the point where she gets adopted by the Happy McDumbFucks? Now THAT’S the fucking movie I want to see. Fuck the POV from McDumbFuck clan, that’s the least interesting part.

  13. I am still laughing !!! what a movie…you have got to love movies….some of them are so unbelievably stupid, but I guess that is why we watch them…for a hoot!
    New England Clam Chowder…I have no words…I am still thinking about the movie…..Joking !!!!!!! I need that in my life right now…not the movie the Clam Chowder LOL πŸ™‚

  14. i don’t watch horror movies, and i don’t mind spoilers, so i really appreciate you telling me what happened. the movie sounds horrible but great at the same time.

    whereas this chowder is just all around great. i like the fact that it can be catered to lactards like myself.

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